The unknown resilience and untimely return to the self as a form of postcolonial subjectivity

The article aims to juxtapose the connection of postcolonial subjectivity and autobiographical memory, examining the interplay of spatial locations and personal experiences. The method of the study unfolds as an autobiographical exploration of my own life as a subject, which began with a move away from Pakistan at the age of sixteen in the year 2008. It acknowledges the universality of migration while focusing on the unique interweaving experiences of my own journey, giving rise to a sense of unknowable resilience. With this backdrop, the article seeks to reexamine concept of self-narration, by striving into the postcolonial subjectivity. Addressing the term “postcolonialism” as a transition line, the article highlights the potential of postcolonial subjectivity in fostering alternative possible arguments. Rather than seeking general meanings or definitions, the focus lies in viewing postcolonialism as a “return” that enables various self-narration. By doing so, first, I reviewed postcolonial literature to examine how self-expression plays a role in returning to self? Secondly, I reflected on my personal memory as findings to construct my argument. I included fragments of my memory and first impressions from my first visit to Pakistan after living in Turkey for about 15 years. The purpose of these finding is to argue the complex nature of postcolonial subjectivity as a form of return to self. It connects experiences from different places and times, propose an alternative methodology for making sense of both known and unknown experiences through a journey of self-narrative.