Why I Want to Be an Atheist

This document serves as a formal declaration and psychological exploration of a profound existential paradox. As a recognized Christian apologist whose work has been validated by both academic and scientific communities, I possess an airtight intellectual conviction of the Christian truth. Yet, I am authoring this preprint to state explicitly that I do not want to be a Christian. I desire the moral void of atheism because it affords the comfort of hedonism without the terror of divine judgment. This paper documents my inability to disprove God, my deep-seated hatred for the restrictive reality of Christianity, and my conscious pursuit of sin over sanctity. I protect truth, not faith, and the truth is horrifying.