Every Man in His Humor

ACT V Bob. Well, gentlemen, bear witness, I was bound to the peace, by this good day. E. Know. No, faith, it's an ill day, captain, never reckon it other: but, say you were bound to the peace, the law allows you to defend yourself: that will prove but a poor excuse. Bob. I cannot tell, sir; I desire good construction in fair sort. I never sustain'd the like disgrace, by heaven! sure I was struck with a planet thence, for I had no power to touch my weapon. E. Know. Ay, like enough; I have heard of many that have been beaten under a planet: go, get you to a surgeon. 'Slid! an these be your tricks, your passadoes, and your montantos, I'll none of them. [Exit Bobadill.] O, manners! that this age should bring forth such creatures! that nature should be at leisure to make them! Come, coz. Step. Mass, I'll have this cloak. E. Know. 'Od's will, 'tis Downright's. Step. Nay, it's mine now, another might have ta'en it up as well: I'll wear it, so I will. E. Know. How an he see it? he'll challenge it, assure yourself. Step. Ay, but he shall not have it: I'll say I bought it. E. Know. Take heed you buy it not too dear, coz. [Exeunt. SCENE IV.-A Room in KITELY'S House. Enter KITELY, WELLBRED, Dame KITELY, and BRIDGET, Kit. Now, trust me, brother, you were much to blame, T' incense his anger, and disturb the peace Of my poor house, where there are sentinels That every minute watch to give alarms Of civil war, without adjection Of your assistance or occasion. Wel. No harm done, brother, I warrant you: since there is no harm done, anger costs a man nothing; and a tall man is never his own man till he be angry. To keep his valour in obscurity, is to keep himself as it were in a cloak bag. What's a musician, unless he play? What's a tall man unless he fight? For, indeed, all this my wise brother stands upon absolutely; and that made me fall in with him so resolutely. Dame K. Ay, but what harm might have come of it, brother? Wel. Might, sister? so might the good warm clothes your husband wears be poisoned, for any thing he knows: or the wholesome wine he drank, even now at the table. Kit. Now, God forbid! O me! now I remember My wife drank to me last, and changed the cup, And bade me wear this cursed suit to-day. See, if Heaven suffer murder undiscover'd! I feel me ill; give me some mithridate, Some mithridate and oil, good sister, fetch me: O, I am Sick at heart, I burn. I burn. If you will save my life, go fetch it me. Wel. O strange humour! my very breath has poison'd him. Brid. Good brother be content, what do you mean? The strength of these extreme conceits will kill you. Dame K. Beshrew your heart, blood, brother Wellbred, now, For putting such a toy into his head! Wel. Is a fit simile a toy? will he be poison'd with a simile? Brother Kitely, what a strange and idle imagination is this! For shame, be wiser. O' my soul there's no such matter. Kit. Am I not sick? how am I then not poison'd? Am I not poison'd? how am I then so sick? Dame K. If you be sick, your own thoughts make you sick. Wel. His jealousy is the poison he has taken. Enter BRAINWORM, disguised in FORMAL'S clothes. Brai. Master Kitely, my master, justice Clement salutes you; and desires to speak with you with all possible speed. Kit. No time but now, when I think I am sick, very sick! well, I will wait upon his worship. Thomas! Cob! I must seek them out, and set them sentinels till I return. Thomas! Cob! Thomas! [Exit. Wel. This is perfectly rare, Brainworm; [takes him aside.] but how got'st thou this apparel of the justice's man? Brai. Marry, sir, my proper fine pen-man would needs bestow the grist on me, at the Windmill, to hear some martial discourse; where I so marshall'd him, that I made him drunk with admiration; and, because too much heat was the cause of his distemper, I stript him stark naked as he lay along asleep, and borrowed his suit to deliver this counterfeit message in, leaving a rusty armour, and an old brown bill to watch him till my return; which shall be, when I have pawn'd his apparel, and spent the better part O' the money, perhaps. Wel. Well, thou art a successful merry knave, Brainworm: his absence will be a good subject for more mirth. I pray thee return to thy young master, and will him to meet me and my sister Bridget at the Tower instantly; for here, tell him the house is so stored with jealousy, there is no room for love to stand up'right in. We must get our fortunes committed to some larger prison, say; and than the Tower, I know no better air, nor where the liberty of the house may do us more present service. Away. Exit Brai. Re-enter KITELY, talking aside to CASH. Kit. Come hither, Thomas. Now my secret's ripe, And thou shalt have it: lay to both thine ears. Hark what I say to thee. I must go forth, Thomas; Be careful of thy promise, keep good watch, Note every gallant, and observe him well, That enters in my absence to thy mistress: If she would shew him rooms, the jest is stale, Follow them, Thomas, or else hang on him, And let him not go after; mark their looks; Note if she offer but to see his band, Or any other amorous toy about him; But praise his leg, or foot: or if she say The day is hot, and bid him feel her hand, How hot it is; O, that's a monstrous thing! Note me all this, good Thomas, mark their sighs, And if they do but whisper, break 'em off: I'll bear thee out in it. Wilt thou do this? Wilt thou be true, my Thomas? Cash.                             As truth's self, sir. Kit. Why, I believe thee: Where is Cob, now? Cob! [Exit. Dame K. He's ever calling for Cob: I wonder how he employs Cob so. Wel. Indeed, sister, to ask how he employs Cob, is a necessary question for you that are his wife, and a thing not very easy for you to be satisfied in; but this I'll assure you, Cob's wife is an excellent bawd, sister, and oftentimes your husband haunts her house; marry, to what end? I cannot altogether accuse him; imagine you what you think convenient: but I have known fair hides have foul hearts ere now, sister. Dame K. Never said you truer than that, brother, so much I can tell you for your learning. Thomas, fetch your cloak and go with me. [Exit Gash.] I'll after him presently: I would to fortune I could take him there, i'faith, I'd return him his own, I warrant him! [Exit. Wel. So, let 'em go; this may make sport anon. Now, my fair sister-in-law, that you knew but how happy a thing it were to be fair and beautiful. Brid. That touches not me, brother. Wel. That's true; that's even the fault of it; for indeed, beauty stands a woman in no stead, unless it procure her touching.—But, sister, whether it touch you or no. It touches your beauties; and I am sure they will abide the touch; an they do not, a plague of all ceruse, say I! and it touches me too in part, though not in the—Well, there's a dear and respected friend of mine, sister, stands very strongly and worthily affected toward you, and hath vowed to inflame whole bonfires of zeal at his heart, in honour of your perfections. I have already engaged my promise to bring you where you shall hear him confirm much more. Ned Knowell is the man, sister: there's no exception against the party. You are ripe for a husband; and a minute's loss to such all occasion, is a great trespass in a wise beauty. What say you, sister? On 'my soul he loves you; will you give him the meeting? Brid. Faith, I had very little confidence in mine own constancy, brother, if I durst not meet a man; but this motion of yours savours of an old knight adventurer's servant a little too much, methinks. Wel. What' s that, sister? Brid. Marry, of the squire. Wel. No matter if it did, I would be such an one for my friend. But see, who is return'd to hinder us! Reenter KITELY. Kit. What villainy is this? call'd out on a false message! This was some plot; I was not sent for.—-Bridget, Where is your sister? Brid. I think she be gone forth, sir. Kit. How! is my wife gone forth? whither, for God's sake? Brid. She's gone abroad with Thomas. Kit. Abroad with Thomas! Oh, that villain dors me: Beast that I was, to trust him! whither, I pray you, Went she? Brid. I know not, sir. Wel. I'll tell you, brother, Whither I suspect she's gone; Kit. Whither, good brother? Wel. To Cob's house, I believe: but, keep my counsel. Kit. I will, I will: to Cob's house! doth she haunt Cob's? She's gone a purpose now to cuckold me, With that lewd rascal, who, to win her favour, Hath told her all. [Exit. Wel.                 Come, he is once more gone, Sister, let's lose no time; the affair is worth it.     [Exeunt. SCENE VII.—-A Street. Enter MATHEW and BOBADILL. Mat. I wonder, captain, what they will say of my going away, ha? Bob. Why, what should they say; but as of a discreet gentleman; quick, wary, respectful of nature's fair lineaments? and that's all. Mat. Why so! but what can they say of your beating? Bob. A rude part, a touch with soft wood, a kind of gross battery used, laid on strongly, borne most patiently; and that's all. Mat. Ay, but would any man have offered it in Venice, as you say? Bob. Tut! I assure you, no: you shall have there your nobilis, your gentilezza, come in bravely upon your reverse, stand you close, stand you firm, stand you fair, save your retricato with his left leg, come to the assalto with the right, thrust with brave steel, defy your base wood! But wherefore do I awake this remembrance? I was fascinated, by Jupiter; fascinated, but I will be unwitch'd and revenged by law. Mat. Do you hear? is it not best to get a warrant, and have him arrested and brought before justice Clement? Bob. It were not amiss; would we had it! Enter BRAINWORM disguised as FORMAL. Mat. Why, here comes his man; let's speak to him. Bob. Agreed, do you speak, Mat. Save you, sir. Brai. With all my heart, sir. Mat. Sir, there is one Downright hath abused this gentleman and myself, and we determine to make our amends by law: now, if you would do us the favour to procure a warrant to bring him afore your master, you shall be well considered, I assure you, sir. Brai. Sir, you know my service is my living; such favours as these gotten of my master is his only preferment, and therefore you must consider me as I may make benefit of my place. Mat. How is that, Sir? Brai. Faith, sir, the thing is extraordinary, and the gentleman may be of great account; yet, be he what he will, if you will lay me down a brace of angels in my hand you shall have it, otherwise not. Mat. How shall we do, captain? he asks a brace of angels, you have no money? Bob. Not a cross, by fortune. Mat. Nor I, as I am a gentleman, but twopence left of my two shillings in the morning for wine and radish: let's find him some pawn. Bob. Pawn! we have none to the value of his demand. Mat. O, yes; I'll pawn this jewel in my ear, and you may pawn your silk stockings, and pull up your boots, they will ne'er be mist: it must be done now. Bob. Well, an there be no remedy, I'll step aside and pull them off. [Withdraws. Mat. Do you hear, sir? we have no store of money at this time, but you shall have good pawns; look you, sir, this jewel, and that gentleman's silk stockings; because we would have it dispatch'd ere we went to our chambers. Brai. I am content, sir; I will get you the What's his name, say you? Downright? Mat. Ay, ay, George Downright. Brai. What manner of man is he? Mat. A tall big man, sir; he goes in a cloak most commonly of silk-russet, laid about with russet lace. Brai. 'Tis very good, sir. Mat. Here, Sir, here's my jewel. Bob. [returning.] And here are my stockings. Brai. Well, gentlemen, I'll procure you this warrant presently; but who will you have to serve it? Mat. That's true, captain: that must be considered. Bob. Body O' me, I know not; 'tis service of danger. Brai. Why, you were best get one O' the varlets of the city, a serjeant: I'll appoint you one, if you please. Mat. Will you, sir? why, we can wish no better. Bob. We'll leave it to you, sir. [Exeunt Bob. and Mat. Brai. This is rare! Now will I go and pawn this cloak of the justice's man's at the broker's, for a varlet's suit, and be the varlet myself; and get either more pawns, or more money of Downright, for the arrest. [Exit. SCENE VIII.-The Lane before COB'S House. Enter KNOWELL. Know. Oh, here it is; I am glad I have found it now; Ho! who is within here? Tib. [within.] I am within, sir; what's your pleasure? Know. To know who is within beside yourself. Tib. Why, sir, you are no constable, I hope? Know. O, fear you the constable? then I doubt not, You have some guests within deserve that fear; I'll fetch him straight. Enter TIB. Tib.                           O' God's name, sir! Know. Go to: come tell me, is not young Knowell here? Tib. Young Knowell! I know none such, sir, o' mine honesty. Know. Your honesty, dame! it flies too lightly from you. There is no way but fetch the constable. Tib. The constable! the man is mad, I think. [Exit, and claps to the door. Enter Dame KITELY and CASH. Cash. Ho! who keeps house here? Know. O, this is the female copesmate of my son: Now shall I meet him straight. Dame K. Knock, Thomas, hard. Cash. Ho, goodwife! Re-enter TIB. Tib. Why, what's the matter with you? Dame K. Why, woman, grieves it you to ope your door? Belike you get something to keep it shut. Tib. What mean these questions, pray ye? Dame K. So strange you make it! is not my husband here? Know. Her husband! Dame K. My tried husband, master Kitely? Tib. I hope he needs not to be tried here. Dame K. No, dame, he does it not for need, but pleasure. Tib. Neither for need nor pleasure is he here. Know. This is but a device to balk me withal: Enter KITELY, muffled in his cloak. Soft, who is this? 'tis not my son disguised? Dame K.           [spies her husband, and runs to him.] O, sir, have I fore-stall'd your honest market, Found your close walks? You stand amazed now, do you? I'faith, I am glad I have smok'd you yet at last. What is your jewel, trow? In, come, let's see her; Fetch forth your housewife, dame; if she be fairer, In any honest judgment, than myself, I'll be content with it: but she is change, She feeds you fat, she soothes your appetite, And you are well! Your wife, an honest woman, Is meat twice sod to you, sir! O, you treachour! Know. She cannot counterfeit thus palpably. Kit. Out on thy more than strumpet impudence! Steal'st thou thus to thy haunts? and have I taken Thy bawd and thee, and thy companion, This hoary-headed letcher, this old goat, Close at your villainy, and would'st thou 'scuse it With this stale harlot's jest, accusing me? O, old incontinent, [to Knowell.] dost thou not shame, When all thy powers in chastity are spent, To have a mind so hot? and to entice, And feed the enticements of a lustful woman? Dame K. Out, I defy thee, I, dissembling wretch! Kit. Defy me, strumpet! Ask thy pander here, Can he deny it; or that wicked elder? Know. Why, hear you, sir. Kit. Tut, tut, tut; never speak: Thy guilty conscience will discover thee. Know. What lunacy is this, that haunts this man? Kit. Well, good wife bawd, Cob's wife, and you, That make your husband such a hoddy-doddy; And you, young apple-squire, and old cuckold-maker; I'll have you every one before a justice: Nay, you shall answer it, I charge you go. Know. Marry, with all my heart, sir, I go willingly; Though I do taste this as a trick put on me, To punish my impertinent search, and justly, And half forgive my son for the device. Kit. Come, will you go? Dame K.                 Go! to thy shame believe it. Enter Cob. Cob. Why, what's the matter here, 'what's here to do? Kit. O; Cob, art thou come? I have been abused, And in thy house; was never man so wrong'd! Cob. 'Slid, in my house, my master Kitely! who wrongs you in my house? ' Kit. Marry, young lust in old, and old in young here: Thy wife's their bawd, here have I taken them. Cob. How, bawd! is my house come to that? Am I preferr'd thither? Did I not charge you to keep your doors shut, Isbel? and—-you let them lie open for all comers!          [Beats his wife. Know. Friend, know some cause, before thou beat'st thy wife. This is madness in thee. Cob.                      Why, is there no cause? Kit. Yes, I'll shew cause before the justice, Cob: Come, let her go with me. Cob. Nay, she shall go. Tib. Nay, I will go. I'll see an you may be allowed to make a bundle of hemp of your right and lawful wife thus, at every cuckoldy knave's pleasure. Why do you not go? Kit. A bitter quean! Come, we will have you tamed. [Exeunt. SCENE IX.—-A Street. Enter BRAINWORM, disguised as a City Serjeant. Brai. Well, of all my disguises yet, now am I most like myself, being in this serjeant's gown. A man of my present profession never counterfeits, till he lays hold upon a debtor, and says, he rests him; for then he brings him to all manner of unrest. A kind of little kings we are, bearing the diminutive of a mace, made like a young artichoke, that always carries pepper and salt in itself. Well, I know not what danger I undergo by this exploit; pray Heaven I come well off! Enter MATHEW and BOBADILL. Mat. See, I think, yonder is the varlet, by his gown. Bob. Let's go in quest of him. Mat. 'Save you, friend! 'are not you here by appointment of justice Clement's man? Brai. Yes, an't please you, sir; he told me, two gentlemen had will'd him to procure a warrant from his master, which I have about me, to be served on one Downright. Mat. It is honestly done of you both; and see where the party comes you must arrest; serve it upon him quickly afore he be aware. Bob. Bear back, master Mathew. Enter STEPHEN in DOWNRIGHT'S cloak. Brai. Master Downright, I arrest you in the queen's name, and must carry you afore a justice by virtue of this warrant: Step. Me, friend! I am no Downright, I; I am master Stephen; You do not well to arrest me, I tell you, truly; I am in nobody's bonds nor books, I would you should know it. A plague on you heartily, for making me thus afraid afore my time! Brai. Why, now you are deceived, gentlemen. Bob. He wears such a cloak, and that deceived us: but see, here a' comes indeed; this is he; officer. Enter DOWNRIGHT. Dow. Why how now, signior gull! are you turn'd filcher of late! Come, deliver my cloak. Step. Your cloak, sir! I bought it even now, in open market. Brai. Master Downright, I have a warrant I must serve upon you, procured by these two gentlemen. Dow. These gentlemen! these rascals! [Offers to beat them. Brai. Keep the peace, I charge you in her majesty's name. Dow. I obey thee. What must I do, officer? Brai. Go before master justice Clement; to answer that they can object against you, sir: I will use you kindly, sir. Mat. Come, let's before, and make the justice, captain. Bob. The varlet's a tall man, afore heaven! [Exeunt Bob. and Mat. Dow. Gull, you'll give me my cloak. Step. Sir, I bought it, and I'll keep it. Dow. You will? Step. Ay, that I will. Dow. Officer, there's thy fee, arrest him. Brai. Master Stephen I must arrest you. Step. Arrest me! I scorn it. There, take your cloak, I'll none on't. Dow. Nay, that shall not serve your turn now, sir. Officer, I'll go with thee to the justice's; bring him along. Step. Why, is not here your cloak? what would you have? Dow. I'll have you answer it, sir. Brai. Sir, I'll take your word, and this gentleman's too, for his appearance. Dow. I'll have no words taken: bring him along. Brai. Sir, I may choose to do that, I may take bail. Dow. 'Tis true, you may take bail, and choose at another time: but you shall not now, varlet: bring him along, or I'll swinge you. Brai. Sir, I pity the gentleman's case: here's your money again. Dow. 'Sdeins, tell not me of my money; bring him away, I say. Brai. I warrant you he will go with you of himself, sir. Dow. Yet more ado? Brai. I have made a fair mash on't; Aside. Step. Must I go? Brai. I know no remedy, master Stephen. Dow. Come along afore me here; I do not love your hanging look behind. Step. Why, sir, I hope you cannot hang me for it: can he, fellow? Brai. I think not, sir; it is but a whipping matter, sure. [Exeunt. ACT V SCENE I.-Coleman Street. A Hall in Justice CLEMENT'S House. Enter CLEMENT, KNOWELL, KITELY, Dame K., TIB., CASH, COB, and Servants. Step. Why then let him do his worst, I am resolute. Clem. Nay, but stay, stay, give me leave: my chair, sirrah. You, master Knowell, say you went thither to meet your son? Know. Ay, sir. Clem. But who directed you thither? Know. That did mine own man, sir. Clem. Where is he? Know. Nay, I know not now; I left him with your clerk, and appointed him to stay here for me. Clem. My clerk! about what time was this? Know. Marry, between one and two, as I take it. Clem. And what time came my man with the false message to you, master Kitely? Kit. After two, sir. Clem. Very good: but, mistress Kitely, how chance that you were at Cob's, ha? Dame K. An't please you, sir, I'll tell you: my brother Wellbred told me, that Cob's house was a suspected place— Clem. So it appears, methinks: but on. Dame K. And that my husband used thither daily. Clem. No matter, so he used himself well, mistress. Dame K. True, sir: but you know what grows by such haunts oftentimes. Clem. I see rank fruits of a jealous brain, mistress Kitely: but did you find your husband there, in that case as you suspected? Kit. I found her there, sir. Clem. Did you, so! that alters the case. Who gave you knowledge of your wife's being there? Kit. Marry, that did my brother Wellbred. Clem. How, Wellbred first tell her; then tell you after! Where is Wellbred? Kit. Gone with my sister, sir, I know not whither. Clem. Why this is a mere trick, a device; you are gull'd in this most grossly all. Alas, poor wench! wert thou beaten for this? Tib. Yell, most pitifully, an't please you. Cob. And worthily, I hope, if it shall prove so. Clem. Ay, that's like, and a piece of a sentence.— Enter a Servant. How now, sir! what's the matter? Serv. Sir, there's a gentleman in the court without, desires to speak with your worship. Clem. A gentleman! what is he? Serv. A soldier, sir, he says. Clem. A soldier! take down my armour, my sword quickly. A soldier speak with me! Why, when, knaves? Come on, come on; [arms himself] hold my cap there, so; give me my gorget, my sword: stand by, I will end your matters anon.—Let the soldier enter. [Exit Servant. Enter BOBADILL, followed by MATHEW. Now, sir, what have you to say to me? Bob. By your worship's favour— Clem. Nay, keep out, sir; I know not your pretence. You send me word, sir, you are a soldier: why, sir, you shall be answer'd here: here be them that have been amongst soldiers. Sir, your pleasure. Bob. Faith, sir, so it is, this gentleman and myself have been most uncivilly wrong'd and beaten by one Downright, a coarse fellow, about the town here; and for mine own part, I protest, being a man in no sort given to this filthy humour of quarrelling, he hath assaulted me in the way of my peace, despoiled me of mine honour, disarmed me of my weapons, and rudely laid me along in the open streets, when I not so much as once offered to resist him. Clem. O, God's precious! is this the soldier? Here, take my armour off quickly, 'twill make him swoon, I fear; he is not fit to look on't, that will put up a blow. Mat. An't please your worship, he was bound to the peace. Clem. Why, an he were, sir, his hands were not bound, were they? Re-enter Servant. Serv. There's one of the varlets of the city, sir, has brought two gentlemen here; one, upon your worship's warrant. Clem. My warrant! Serv. Yes, sir; the officer says, procured by these two. Clem. Bid him come in. [Exit Servant.] Set by this picture. Enter DOWNRIGHT, STEPHEN, and BRAINWORM, disguised as before. What, Master Downright! are you brought in at Mr. Freshwater's suit here? Dow. I'faith, sir, and here's another brought at my suit. Clem. What are you, sir? Step. A gentleman, sir. O, uncle! Clem. Uncle! who, Master Knowell? Know. Ay, sir; this is a wise kinsman of mine. Step. God's my witness, uncle, I am wrong'd here monstrously, he charges me with stealing of his cloak, and would I might never stir, if I did not find it in the street by chance. Dow. O, did you find it now? You said you bought it erestwhile. Step. And you said, I stole it: nay, now my uncle is here, I'll do well enough with you. Clem. Well, let this breathe awhile. You that have cause to complain there, stand forth: Had you my warrant for this gentleman's apprehension? Bob. Ay, an't please your worship. Clem. Nay, do not speak in passion so: where had you it? Bob. Of your clerk, sir. Clem. That's well! an my clerk can make warrants, and my hand not at them! Where is the warrant-officer, have you it? Brai. No, sir; your worship's man, Master Formal, bid me do it for these gentlemen, and he would be my discharge. Clem. Why, Master Downright, are you such a novice, to be ser'ved and never see the warrant? Dow. Sir, he did not serve it on me. Clem. No! how then? Dow. Marry, sir, he came to me, and said he must serve it, and he would use me kindly, and so— Clem. O, God's pity, was it so, sir? He must serve it! Give me my long sword there, and help me off. So, come on, sir varlet, I must cut off your legs, sirrah; [Brainworm kneels.] nay, stand up, I'll use you kindly, I must cut off your legs, I say. [Flourishes over him with his long sword. Brai. O, good sir, I beseech you; nay, good master justice! Clem. I must do it, there is no remedy; I must cut off your legs, sirrrah, I must cut off your ears, you rascal, I must do it: I must cut off your nose, I must cut off your head. Brai. O, good your worship! Clem. Well, rise; how dost thou do now? dost thou feel thyself well? hast thou no harm? Brai. No, I thank your good worship, sir. Clem. Why so! I said I must cut off thy legs, and I must cut off thy arms, and I must cut off thy head; but I did not do it: so you said you must serve this gentleman with my warrant, but you did not serve him. You knave, you slave, you rogue, do you say you must, sirrah! away with him to the jail; I'll teach you a trick for your must, sir. Brai. Good sir, I beseech you, be good to me. Clem. Tell him he shall to the jail; away with him, I say. Brai. Nay, sir, if you will commit me, it shall be for committing more than this: I will not lose by my travail any grain of my fame, certain. [Throws off his serjeant's gown. Clem. How is this? Know. My man Brainworm! Step. O, yes, uncle; Brainworm has been with my cousin Edward and I all this day. Clem. I told you all there was some device. Brai. Nay, excellent justice, since I have laid myself thus open to you, now stand strong for me; both with your sword and your balance. Clem. Body O' me, a merry knave! give me a bowl of sack: if he belong to you, Master Knowell, I bespeak your patience. Brai. That is it I have most need of; Sir, if you'll pardon me, only, I'll glory in all the rest of my exploits. Know. Sir, you know I love not to have my favours come hard from me. You have your pardon, though I suspect you shrewdly for being of counsel with my son against me. Brai. Yes, faith, I have, sir, though you retain'd me doubly this morning for yourself: first as Brainworm; after, as Fitz-Sword. I was your reform'd soldier, sir. 'Twas I sent you to Cob's upon the errand without end. Know. Is it possible? or that thou should'st disguise thy language so as I should not know thee? Brai. O, sir, this has been the day of my metamorphosis. It is not that shape alone that I have run through to-day. I brought this gentleman, master Kitely, a message too, in the form of master Justice's man here, to draw him out O' the way, as well as your worship, while master Wellbred might make a conveyance of mistress Bridget to my young master. Kit. How! My sister stolen away? Know. My son is not married, I hope. Brai. Faith, Sir, they are both as sure as love, a priest, and three thousand pound, which is her portion, can make them; and by this time are ready to bespeak their wedding-supper at the Windmill, except some friend here prevent them, and invite them home. Clem. Marry, that will I; I thank thee for putting me in mind on't. Sirrah, go you and fetch them hither upon my warrant. [Exit Servant.] Neither's friends have cause to be sorry, if I know the young couple aright. Here, I drink to thee for thy good news. But I pray thee, what hast thou done with my man, Formal? Brai. Faith, sir, after some ceremony past, as making him drunk, first with story, and then with wine, (but all in kindness,) and stripping him to his shirt, I left him in that cool vein; departed, sold your worship's warrant to these two, pawn'd his livery for that varlet's gown, to serve it in; and thus have brought myself by my activity to your worship's consideration. Clem. And I will consider thee in another cup of sack. Here's to thee, which having drunk off this my sentence: Pledge me. Thou hast done, or assisted to nothing, in my judgment, but deserves to be pardon'd for the wit of the offence. If thy master, or any man here, be angry with thee, I shall suspect his ingine, while I know him, for't. How now, what noise is that? Enter Servant. Serv. Sir, it is Roger is come home. Clem. Bring him in, bring him in. Enter FORMAL in a suit of armour. What! drunk? in arms against me? your reason, your reason for this? Form. I beseech your worship to pardon me; I happened into ill company by chance, that cast me into a sleep, and stript me of all my clothes. Clem. Well, tell him I am Justice Clement, and do pardon him: but what is this to your armour? what may that signify? Form. An't please you, sir, it hung up in the room where I was stript; and I borrow'd it of one of the drawers to come home in, because I was loth to do penance through the street in my shirt. Clem. Well, stand by a while. Enter E. KNOWELL, WELLBRED, and BRIDGET. Who be these? O, the young company; welcome, welcome! Give you joy. Nay, mistress Bridget, blush not; you are not so fresh a bride, but the news of it is come hither afore you. Master bridegroom, I have made your peace, give me your hand: so will I for all the rest ere you forsake my roof. E. Know. We are the more bound to your humanity, sir. Clem. Only these two have so little of man in them, they are no part of my care. Wel. Yes, sir, let me pray you for this gentleman, he belongs to my sister the bride. Clem. In what place, sir? Wel. Of her delight, sir, below the stairs, and in public: her poet, sir. Clem. A poet! I will challenge him myself presently at extempore. Mount up thy Phlegon, Muse, and testify, How Saturn, sitting in an ebon cloud, Disrobed his podex, white as ivory, And through the welkin thunder'd all aloud. Wel. He is not for extempore, sir: he is all for the pocket muse; please you command a sight of it. Clem. Yes, yes, search him for a taste of his vein. [They search Mathew's pockets. Wel. You must not deny the queen's justice, sir, under a writ of rebellion. Clem. What! all this verse? body O' me, he carries a whole realm, a commonwealth of paper in his hose: let us see some of his subjects. [Reads. Unto the boundless ocean of thy face, Runs this poor river, charg'd with streams of eyes. How! this is stolen. E. Know. A parody! a parody! with a kind of miraculous gift, to make it absurder than it was. Clem. Is all the rest of this batch? bring me a torch; lay it together, and give fire. Cleanse the air. [Sets the papers on fire.] Here was enough to have infected the whole city, if it had not been taken in time. See, see, how our poet's glory shines! brighter and brighter! still it increases! O, now it is at the highest; and now it declines as fast. You may see, sic transit gloria mundi! Know. There's an emblem for you, son, and your studies. Clem. Nay, no speech or act of mine be drawn against such as profess it worthily. They are not born every year, as an alderman. There goes more to the making of a good poet, than a sheriff. Master Kitely, you look upon me!—though I live in the city here, amongst you, I will do more reverence to him, when I meet him, than I will to the mayor out of his year. But these paper-pedlars! these ink-dabblers! they cannot expect reprehension or reproach; they have it with the fact, E. Know. Sir, you have saved me the labour of a defence. Clem. It shall be discourse for supper between your father and me, if he dare undertake me. But to dispatch away these, you sign O' the soldier, and picture of the poet, (but both so false, I will not have you hanged out at my door till midnight,) while we are at supper, you two shall penitently fast it out in my court without; and, if you will, you may pray there that we may be so merry within as to forgive or forget you when we come out. Here's a third, because we tender your safety, shall watch you, he is provided for the purpose. Look to your charge, sir. Step. And what shall I do? Clem. O! I had lost a sheep an he had not bleated: why, sir, you shall give master Downright his cloak; and I will intreat him to take it. A trencher and a napkin you shall have in the buttery, and keep Cob and his wife company here; whom I will intreat first to be reconciled; and you to endeavour with your wit to keep them so. Step. I'll do my best. Cob. Why, now I see thou art honest, Tib, I receive thee as my dear and mortal wife again. Tib. And I you, as my loving and obedient husband. Clem. Good compliment! It will be their bridal night too. They are married anew. Come, I conjure the rest to put off all discontent. You, master Downright, your anger; you, master Knowell, your cares; Master Kitely and his wife, their jealousy. For, I must tell you both, while that is fed, Horns in the mind are worse than on the head. Kit. Sir, thus they go from me; kiss me, sweetheart. See what a drove of horns fly in the air, Wing'd with my cleansed and my credulous breath! Watch' em suspicious eyes, watch where they fall. See, see! on heads that think they have none at all! O, what a plenteous world of this will come! When air rains horns, all may be sure of some! I have learn'd so much verse out of a jealous man's part in a play. Clem. 'Tis well, 'tis well! This night we'll dedicate to friendship, love, and laughter. Master bridegroom, take your bride and lead; every one a fellow. Here is my mistress, Brainworm! to whom all my addresses of courtship shall have their reference: whose adventures this day, when our grandchildren shall hear to be made a fable, I doubt not but it shall find both spectators and applause. [Exeunt. GLOSSARY ABATE, cast down, subdue. ABHORRING, repugnant (to), at variance. ABJECT, base, degraded thing, outcast. ABRASE, smooth, blank. ABSOLUTE(LY), faultless(ly). ABSTRACTED, abstract, abstruse. ABUSE, deceive, insult, dishonour, make ill use of. ACATER, caterer. ACATES, cates. ACCEPTIVE, willing, ready to accept, receive. ACCOMMODATE, fit, befitting. (The word was a fashionable one and used on all occasions. See "Henry IV.," pt. 2, iii. 4). ACCOST, draw near, approach. ACKNOWN, confessedly acquainted with. ACME, full maturity. ADALANTADO, lord deputy or governor of a Spanish province. ADJECTION, addition. ADMIRATION, astonishment. ADMIRE, wonder, wonder at. ADROP, philosopher's stone, or substance from which obtained. ADSCRIVE, subscribe. ADULTERATE, spurious, counterfeit. ADVANCE, lift. ADVERTISE, inform, give intelligence. ADVERTISED, "be—," be it known to you. ADVERTISEMENT, intelligence. ADVISE, consider, bethink oneself, deliberate. ADVISED, informed, aware; "are you—?" have you found that out? AFFECT, love, like; aim at; move. AFFECTED, disposed; beloved. AFFECTIONATE, obstinate; prejudiced. AFFECTS, affections. AFFRONT, "give the—," face. AFFY, have confidence in; betroth. AFTER, after the manner of. AGAIN, AGAINST, in anticipation of. AGGRAVATE, increase, magnify, enlarge upon. AGNOMINATION. See Paranomasie. AIERY, nest, brood. AIM, guess. ALL HID, children's cry at hide-and-seek. ALL-TO, completely, entirely ("all-to-be-laden"). ALLOWANCE, approbation, recognition. ALMA-CANTARAS (astronomy), parallels of altitude. ALMAIN, name of a dance. ALMUTEN, planet of chief influence in the horoscope. ALONE, unequalled, without peer. ALUDELS, subliming pots. AMAZED, confused, perplexed. AMBER, AMBRE, ambergris. AMBREE, MARY, a woman noted for her valour at the siege of Ghent, 1458. AMES-ACE, lowest throw at dice. AMPHIBOLIES, ambiguities. AMUSED, bewildered, amazed. AN, if. ANATOMY, skeleton, or dissected body. ANDIRONS, fire-dogs. ANGEL, gold coin worth 10 shillings, stamped with the figure of the archangel Michael. ANNESH CLEARE, spring known as Agnes le Clare. ANSWER, return hit in fencing. ANTIC, ANTIQUE, clown, buffoon. ANTIC, like a buffoon. ANTIPERISTASIS, an opposition which enhances the quality it opposes. APOZEM, decoction. APPERIL, peril. APPLE-JOHN, APPLE-SQUIRE, pimp, pander. APPLY, attach. APPREHEND, take into custody. APPREHENSIVE, quick of perception; able to perceive and appreciate. APPROVE, prove, confirm. APT, suit, adapt; train, prepare; dispose, incline. APT(LY), suitable(y), opportune(ly). APTITUDE, suitableness. ARBOR, "make the—," cut up the game (Gifford). ARCHES, Court of Arches. ARCHIE, Archibald Armstrong, jester to James I. and Charles I. ARGAILE, argol, crust or sediment in wine casks. ARGENT-VIVE, quicksilver. ARGUMENT, plot of a drama; theme, subject; matter in question; token, proof. ARRIDE, please. ARSEDINE, mixture of copper and zinc, used as an imitation of gold-leaf. ARTHUR, PRINCE, reference to an archery show by a society who assumed arms, etc., of Arthur's knights. ARTICLE, item. ARTIFICIALLY, artfully. ASCENSION, evaporation, distillation. ASPIRE, try to reach, obtain, long for. ASSALTO (Italian), assault. ASSAY, draw a knife along the belly of the deer, a ceremony of the hunting-field. ASSOIL, solve. ASSURE, secure possession or reversion of. ATHANOR, a digesting furnace, calculated to keep up a constant heat. ATONE, reconcile. ATTACH, attack, seize. AUDACIOUS, having spirit and confidence. AUTHENTIC(AL), of authority, authorised, trustworthy, genuine. AVISEMENT, reflection, consideration. AVOID, begone! get rid of. AWAY WITH, endure. AZOCH, Mercurius Philosophorum. BABION, baboon. BABY, doll. BACK-SIDE, back premises. BAFFLE, treat with contempt. BAGATINE, Italian coin, worth about the third of a farthing. BAIARD, horse of magic powers known to old romance. BALDRICK, belt worn across the breast to support bugle, etc. BALE (of dice), pair. BALK, overlook, pass by, avoid. BALLACE, ballast. BALLOO, game at ball. BALNEUM (BAIN MARIE), a vessel for holding hot water in which other vessels are stood for heating. BANBURY, "brother of—," Puritan. BANDOG, dog tied or chained up. BANE, woe, ruin. BANQUET, a light repast; dessert. BARB, to clip gold. BARBEL, fresh-water fish. BARE, meer; bareheaded; it was "a particular mark of state and grandeur for the coachman to be uncovered" (Gifford). BARLEY-BREAK, game somewhat similar to base. BASE, game of prisoner's base. BASES, richly embroidered skirt reaching to the knees, or lower. BASILISK, fabulous reptile, believed to slay with its eye. BASKET, used for the broken provision collected for prisoners. BASON, basons, etc., were beaten by the attendant mob when bad characters were "carted." BATE, be reduced; abate, reduce. BATOON, baton, stick. BATTEN, feed, grow fat. BAWSON, badger. BEADSMAN, prayer-man, one engaged to pray for another. BEAGLE, small hound; fig. spy. BEAR IN HAND, keep in suspense, deceive with false hopes. BEARWARD, bear leader. BEDPHERE. See Phere. BEDSTAFF, (?) wooden pin in the side of the bedstead for supporting the bedclothes (Johnson); one of the sticks or "laths"; a stick used in making a bed. BEETLE, heavy mallet. BEG, "I'd—him," the custody of minors and idiots was begged for; likewise property fallen forfeit to the Crown ("your house had been begged"). BELL-MAN, night watchman. BENJAMIN, an aromatic gum. BERLINA, pillory. BESCUMBER, defile. BESLAVE, beslabber. BESOGNO, beggar. BESPAWLE, bespatter. BETHLEHEM GABOR, Transylvanian hero, proclaimed King of Hungary. BEVER, drinking. BEVIS, SIR, knight of romance whose horse was equally celebrated. BEWRAY, reveal, make known. BEZANT, heraldic term: small gold circle. BEZOAR'S STONE, a remedy known by this name was a supposed antidote to poison. BID-STAND, highwayman. BIGGIN, cap, similar to that worn by the Beguines; nightcap. BILIVE (belive), with haste. BILK, nothing, empty talk. BILL, kind of pike. BILLET, wood cut for fuel, stick. BIRDING, thieving. BLACK SANCTUS, burlesque hymn, any unholy riot. BLANK, originally a small French coin. BLANK, white. BLANKET, toss in a blanket. BLAZE, outburst of violence. BLAZE, (her.) blazon; publish abroad. BLAZON, armorial bearings; fig. all that pertains to good birth and breeding. BLIN, "withouten—," without ceasing. BLOW, puff up. BLUE, colour of servants' livery, hence "—order," "—waiters." BLUSHET, blushing one. BOB, jest, taunt. BOB, beat, thump. BODGE, measure. BODKIN, dagger, or other short, pointed weapon; long pin with which the women fastened up their hair. BOLT, roll (of material). BOLT, dislodge, rout out; sift (boulting-tub). BOLT'S-HEAD, long, straight-necked vessel for distillation. BOMBARD SLOPS, padded, puffed-out breeches. BONA ROBA, "good, wholesome, plum-cheeked wench" (Johnson) —not always used in compliment. BONNY-CLABBER, sour butter-milk. BOOKHOLDER, prompter. BOOT, "to—," into the bargain; "no—," of no avail. BORACHIO, bottle made of skin. BORDELLO, brothel. BORNE IT, conducted, carried it through. BOTTLE (of hay), bundle, truss. BOTTOM, skein or ball of thread; vessel. BOURD, jest. BOVOLI, snails or cockles dressed in the Italian manner (Gifford). BOW-POT, flower vase or pot. BOYS, "terrible—," "angry—," roystering young bucks. (See Nares). BRABBLES (BRABBLESH), brawls. BRACH, bitch. BRADAMANTE, a heroine in "Orlando Furioso." BRADLEY, ARTHUR OF, a lively character commemorated in ballads. BRAKE, frame for confining a horse's feet while being shod, or strong curb or bridle; trap. BRANCHED, with "detached sleeve ornaments, projecting from the shoulders of the gown" (Gifford). BRANDISH, flourish of weapon. BRASH, brace. BRAVE, bravado, braggart speech. BRAVE (adv.), gaily, finely (apparelled). BRAVERIES, gallants. BRAVERY, extravagant gaiety of apparel. BRAVO, bravado, swaggerer. BRAZEN-HEAD, speaking head made by Roger Bacon. BREATHE, pause for relaxation; exercise. BREATH UPON, speak dispraisingly of. BREND, burn. BRIDE-ALE, wedding feast. BRIEF, abstract; (mus.) breve. BRISK, smartly dressed. BRIZE, breese, gadfly. BROAD-SEAL, state seal. BROCK, badger (term of contempt). BROKE, transact business as a broker. BROOK, endure, put up with. BROUGHTON, HUGH, an English divine and Hebrew scholar. BRUIT, rumour. BUCK, wash. BUCKLE, bend. BUFF, leather made of buffalo skin, used for military and serjeants' coats, etc. BUFO, black tincture. BUGLE, long-shaped bead. BULLED, (?) bolled, swelled. BULLIONS, trunk hose. BULLY, term of familiar endearment. BUNGY, Friar Bungay, who had a familiar in the shape of a dog. BURDEN, refrain, chorus. BURGONET, closely-fitting helmet with visor. BURGULLION, braggadocio. BURN, mark wooden measures ("—ing of cans"). BURROUGH, pledge, security. BUSKIN, half-boot, foot gear reaching high up the leg. BUTT-SHAFT, barbless arrow for shooting at butts. BUTTER, NATHANIEL ("Staple of News"), a compiler of general news. (See Cunningham). BUTTERY-HATCH, half-door shutting off the buttery, where provisions and liquors were stored. BUY, "he bought me," formerly the guardianship of wards could be bought. BUZ, exclamation to enjoin silence. BUZZARD, simpleton. BY AND BY, at once. BY(E), "on the __," incidentally, as of minor or secondary importance; at the side. BY-CHOP, by-blow, bastard. CADUCEUS, Mercury's wand. CALIVER, light kind of musket. CALLET, woman of ill repute. CALLOT, coif worn on the wigs of our judges or serjeants-at-law (Gifford). CALVERED, crimped, or sliced and pickled. (See Nares). CAMOUCCIO, wretch, knave. CAMUSED, flat. CAN, knows. CANDLE-RENT, rent from house property. CANDLE-WASTER, one who studies late. CANTER, sturdy beggar. CAP OF MAINTENCE, an insignia of dignity, a cap of state borne before kings at their coronation; also an heraldic term. CAPABLE, able to comprehend, fit to receive instruction, impression. CAPANEUS, one of the "Seven against Thebes." CARACT, carat, unit of weight for precious stones, etc.; value, worth. CARANZA, Spanish author of a book on duelling. CARCANET, jewelled ornament for the neck. CARE, take care; object. CAROSH, coach, carriage. CARPET, table-cover. CARRIAGE, bearing, behaviour. CARWHITCHET, quip, pun. CASAMATE, casemate, fortress. CASE, a pair. CASE, "in—," in condition. CASSOCK, soldier's loose overcoat. CAST, flight of hawks, couple. CAST, throw dice; vomit; forecast, calculate. CAST, cashiered. CASTING-GLASS, bottle for sprinkling perfume. CASTRIL, kestrel, falcon. CAT, structure used in sieges. CATAMITE, old form of "ganymede." CATASTROPHE, conclusion. CATCHPOLE, sheriff's officer. CATES, dainties, provisions. CATSO, rogue, cheat. CAUTELOUS, crafty, artful. CENSURE, criticism; sentence. CENSURE, criticise; pass sentence, doom. CERUSE, cosmetic containing white lead. CESS, assess. CHANGE, "hunt—," follow a fresh scent. CHAPMAN, retail dealer. CHARACTER, handwriting. CHARGE, expense. CHARM, subdue with magic, lay a spell on, silence. CHARMING, exercising magic power. CHARTEL, challenge. CHEAP, bargain, market. CHEAR, CHEER, comfort, encouragement; food, entertainment. CHECK AT, aim reproof at. CHEQUIN, gold Italian coin. CHEVRIL, from kidskin, which is elastic and pliable. CHIAUS, Turkish envoy; used for a cheat, swindler. CHILDERMASS DAY, Innocents' Day. CHOKE-BAIL, action which does not allow of bail. CHRYSOPOEIA, alchemy. CHRYSOSPERM, ways of producing gold. CIBATION, adding fresh substances to supply the waste of evaporation. CIMICI, bugs. CINOPER, cinnabar. CIOPPINI, chopine, lady's high shoe. CIRCLING BOY, "a species of roarer; one who in some way drew a man into a snare, to cheat or rob him" (Nares). CIRCUMSTANCE, circumlocution, beating about the bush; ceremony, everything pertaining to a certain condition; detail, particular. CITRONISE, turn citron colour. CITTERN, kind of guitar. CITY-WIRES, woman of fashion, who made use of wires for hair and dress. CIVIL, legal. CLAP, clack, chatter. CLAPPER-DUDGEON, downright beggar. CLAPS HIS DISH, a clap, or clack, dish (dish with a movable lid) was carried by beggars and lepers to show that the vessel was empty, and to give sound of their approach. CLARIDIANA, heroine of an old romance. CLARISSIMO, Venetian noble. CLEM, starve. CLICKET, latch. CLIM O' THE CLOUGHS, etc., wordy heroes of romance. CLIMATE, country. CLOSE, secret, private; secretive. CLOSENESS, secrecy. CLOTH, arras, hangings. CLOUT, mark shot at, bull's eye. CLOWN, countryman, clodhopper. COACH-LEAVES, folding blinds. COALS, "bear no—," submit to no affront. COAT-ARMOUR, coat of arms. COAT-CARD, court-card. COB-HERRING, HERRING-COB, a young herring. COB-SWAN, male swan. COCK-A-HOOP, denoting unstinted jollity; thought to be derived from turning on the tap that all might drink to the full of the flowing liquor. COCKATRICE, reptile supposed to be produced from a cock's egg and to kill by its eye—used as a term of reproach for a woman. COCK-BRAINED, giddy, wild. COCKER, pamper. COCKSCOMB, fool's cap. COCKSTONE, stone said to be found in a cock's gizzard, and to possess particular virtues. CODLING, softening by boiling. COFFIN, raised crust of a pie. COG, cheat, wheedle. COIL, turmoil, confusion, ado. COKELY, master of a puppet-show (Whalley). COKES, fool, gull. COLD-CONCEITED, having cold opinion of, coldly affected towards. COLE-HARBOUR, a retreat for people of all sorts. COLLECTION, composure; deduction. COLLOP, small slice, piece of flesh. COLLY, blacken. COLOUR, pretext. COLOURS, "fear no—," no enemy (quibble). COLSTAFF, cowlstaff, pole for carrying a cowl=tub. COME ABOUT, charge, turn round. COMFORTABLE BREAD, spiced gingerbread. COMING, forward, ready to respond, complaisant. COMMENT, commentary; "sometime it is taken for a lie or fayned tale" (Bullokar, 1616). COMMODITY, "current for—," allusion to practice of money-lenders, who forced the borrower to take part of the loan in the shape of worthless goods on which the latter had to make money if he could. COMMUNICATE, share. COMPASS, "in—," within the range, sphere. COMPLEMENT, completion, completement; anything required for the perfecting or carrying out of a person or affair; accomplishment. COMPLEXION, natural disposition, constitution. COMPLIMENT, See Complement. COMPLIMENTARIES, masters of accomplishments. COMPOSITION, constitution; agreement, contract. COMPOSURE, composition. COMPTER, COUNTER, debtors' prison.

Related documents

• Every Man in His Humour#31952
• The New Woman: An Original Comedy, in Four Acts#50285
• Masters of the Guild#33431
• Artificial Intelligence for Modeling and Simulation of Mixed Automated and Human Traffic#13138
• Anatomía poética de las manos#477336