The Choise of Valentines; Or the Merie Ballad of Nash His Dildo

TO THE RIGHT The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Choise of Valentines; Or the Merie Ballad of Nash His Dildo This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org . If you are not located in the United States, you will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this eBook. Title : The Choise of Valentines; Or the Merie Ballad of Nash His Dildo Author : Thomas Nash Editor : John Stephen Farmer Release date : February 16, 2006 [eBook #17779] Language : English Other information and formats : www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/17779 Credits : Produced by Charlene Taylor and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was produced from images generously made available by The Internet Archive/Canadian Libraries) *** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE CHOISE OF VALENTINES; OR THE MERIE BALLAD OF NASH HIS DILDO *** [Transcriber's Note: Line notes have been moved to the end of each poem from their places on the individual pages to aid in the flow of the poems.] OR THE MERIE BALLAD OF NASH HIS DILDO [BY THOMAS NASH] [ From MSS. Copies in the Inner Temple (Petyt MS. 538, Vol. 43, f. viii., 295 b, circa 1680) and Bodleian (Rawl. MS. Poet 216, leaves 96-106, circa 1610-20) Libraries ] Edited by JOHN S. FARMER LONDON [ PRIVATELY PRINTED FOR SUBSCRIBERS ONLY ] MDCCCXCIX INTRODUCTION. Nash's "CHOISE OF VALENTINES" has apparently come down to us only in manuscript form. It is extremely doubtful (Oldys notwithstanding a ), whether the poem was ever before accorded the dignity of print. Nor would it now be deemed worthy of such were the only considerations those of literary merit or intrinsic value: truth to tell there is little of either to recommend it. But, as it has been repeatedly said, and well insisted on, the world cannot afford to lose any "document" whatsoever which bears, or may bear, in the slightest degree, on the story of its own growth and development, and out of which its true life has to be written. Especially is even the meanest Elizabethan of importance and value in relation to the re-construction—still far from complete—of the life and times of the immortal bard of Avon. In the most unlikely quarters a quarry may yet be found from which the social historian may obtain a valuable sidelight on manners and customs, the philologist a new lection or gloss, or the antiquary a solution to some, as yet, unsolved problem. "The Choise of Valentines" claims attention, and is of value principally on two grounds, either of which, it is held, should amply justify the more permanent preservation [page viii] now accorded this otherwise insignificant production. In the first place, it appears to have been dedicated to the Earl of Southampton, the generous patron of letters, and friend of Shakspeare; and second, it is probably the only example extant of the kind of hackwork to which Nash was frequently reduced by "the keenest pangs of poverty." b He confesses he was often obliged "to pen unedifying toys for gentlemen." When Harvey denounced him for "emulating Aretino's licentiousness" he admitted that poverty had occasionally forced him to prostitute his pen "in hope of gain" by penning "amorous Villanellos and Quipasses for new-fangled galiards and newer Fantisticos." In fact, he seems rarely to have known what it was to be otherwise than the subject of distress and need. As an example of these "unedifying toys" the present poem may, without much doubt, be cited, and an instance in penning which his "hope of gain" was realised. It is a matter of history that Nash sought, and succeeded in obtaining for a time, the patronage of the Earl of Southampton, one of the most liberal men of his day, and a prominent figure in the declining years of Elizabeth. "I once tasted," Nash writes in 1593, c "the full spring of the Earl's liberality." Record is also made of a visit paid by him to Lord Southampton and Sir George Carey, while the former was Governor, and the latter Captain-General, of the Isle of Wight. From internal evidence it would seem that this poem was called forth by the Earl's bounty to its author. "My [page ix] muse devorst from deeper (the Rawl. MS. reads deepest ) care, presents thee with a wanton elegie;" and further on, the dedication promises "better lines" which should "ere long" be penned in "honour" of his noble patron. This promise is renewed in the epilogue:— "My mynde once purg'd of such lascivious witt, With purifide words and hallowed verse, Thy praises in large volumes shall rehearse, That better maie thy grauer view befitt." Does this refer to "The Unfortunate Traveller; or, The Life of Jack Wilton," generally regarded as Nash's most ambitious work, and which he dedicated to Lord Southampton in 1593? If so, and there is no evidence to gainsay the conclusion, we can fix the date of the present poem as, at all events, prior to 17th September of that year, when "The Unfortunate Traveller" was entered on the Stationers' Register. d This would make Nash contemporaneous, if not prior to, Shakspeare in offering a tribute to the merits of the young patron (Southampton at that time was barely twenty years old) of the Muses. Venus and Adonis was entered on the Register of the Stationers' Company about five months earlier, on the [page x] 18th April, 1593, and barely more than two months prior to the registration of "The Terrors of the Night." It is curious to note that while Shakspeare and Nash both promise "graver work" and "better lines," they alike select amatory themes for their first offerings. The promise in Shakspeare's case was redeemed by the dedication to Southampton of "The Rape of Lucreece," while it may be assumed, as aforesaid, that Nash followed suit with "The Unfortunate Traveller." Nash, however, for some cause or other failed to retain the Earl's interest; "indeed," says Mr. Sidney Lee, "he did not retain the favour of any patron long." It is only fair to state, however, that the withdrawal of Lord Southampton's patronage may not have been due to any fault or shortcoming on the part of Nash, for there is likewise no evidence whatever to show that any close intimacy existed between Southampton and Shakspeare after 1594. Probably there was much else to claim Lord Southampton's attention—his marriage, and the Essex rebellion to wit. This, however, leads somewhat wide of the present work. So much for the circumstances which appear to have called forth "The Choise of Valentines." The next consideration is, Has it ever appeared in print before? Oldys, in his MS. notes to Langbaine's English Dramatic Poets ( c . 1738) says:—"Tom Nash certainly wrote and published a pamphlet upon Dildos. He is accused of it by his antagonist, Harvey." But he was writing nearly 150 years after the event, and it is certainly very strange that a production which it can be shown was well known [page xi] should, if printed, have so entirely disappeared. At all events, no copy is at present known to exist. e John Davies of Hereford alludes to it, but leaves it uncertain whether its destruction occurred in MS. or in print. In his "Papers Complaint" f he writes:— But O! my soule is vext to thinke how euill It is abus'd to beare suits to the Deuill. Pierse-Pennilesse (a Pies eat such a patch) Made me (agree) that business once dispatch. And having made me vndergo the shame, Abusde me further, in the Deuills name: And made [me] Dildo (dampned Dildo) beare, Till good men's hate did me in peeces teare. As regards the manuscript copies there are one or two points worthy of note. At present we know of two, more or less incomplete, but each of which supplements, in some degree, the other. These MSS. are respectively in the Bodleian (Rawl. MS. Poet, 216) and the Inner Temple (Petyt MS. 538, vol. 43, p. viii., 295b.) libraries. Both texts are obviously corrupt, the Rawlinson abominably so. Probably the former was written out from memory alone, while the Petyt, if not a transcript direct from the original is, at any rate, very near to it. The Bodleian version is written on paper in a small oblong leather-covered book, originally with clasps. The penmanship is early 17th century, probably about 1610-20. It is thus catalogued:— ..." E libris Matt. [page xii] Postlethwayt, Aug. 1, 1697. Perhaps (earlier) Henry Price owned the book." The volume contains besides an English transcript of Ovid's "Arte Amandis" and some amatory poems. g The date of the Petyt text may be about.... It is written in a miscellaneous, folio, commonplace-book, and in the catalogue it is described as "an obscene poem, entitled 'The Choosing of Valentines,' by Thomas Nash. The first 17 lines are printed at p. lx. of the Preface to vol i. of Mr. Grosart's edition of Nash's works, as if they formed the whole piece." h Nothing is known of Postlethwayt and Price, who at one time owned the Rawlinson copy, that throws light on its source. In the Petyt, however, we get a suppositional explanation of its manifestly purer text. Petyt, subsequent to his call to the Bar, in 1670, was for many years Keeper of the Records in the Tower of London. Now we know that Lord Essex, an intimate friend and connection of the Earl of Southampton, and like Southampton a generous and discerning patron of letters, was for some time in the "free custody" of the Lord Keeper of the Tower. Further, Southampton, who had joined Essex in his rebellion, had been tried and convicted with his friend, and though the Queen spared his life, he was not released from the Tower until the ascension of James I. It is not unlikely, therefore, that a copy of Nash's manuscript made for Lord Essex passed, on the execution [page xiii] of the latter, with other papers and documents, into the official custody of the Lord Keeper, to be subsequently unearthed by his successor, Petyt, who, with a taste for the "curious," had it copied for his own edification. This supposition is further borne out as follows: The particular commonplace book in which this poem occurs has been written by various hands. In the same handwriting as, and immediately preceding "The Choise of Valentines," are two poetical effusions dedicated "To the Earl of Essex," both apparently written when he was in prison and under sentence of death. The other contents of the volume are likewise contemporaneous. All things considered, then, the Petyt text, although transcribed about fifty years later, has weightier claims to attention than the version in the Rawlinson MSS. I have, therefore, adopted the former as a basis, giving the Rawlinson variations in the form of notes. A few of these are obviously better readings than those of the Petyt text: the reader cannot fail to distinguish these. In the main, however, the Inner Temple version will be found consistent with its particular dedication, whilst the Rawlinson variations appear due to an attempt, signally unsuccessful, to adapt the poem for general use. For the rest I have faithfully adhered to the original in the basic text, and in the variorum readings, except in one particular. The Rawlinson MS. is altogether guiltless of punctuation, while the Petyt copy has been carelessly "stopped" by the scribe: I have therefore given modern punctuation. J.S.F. FOOTNOTES a See page x . b Have with you to Saffron Walden , iii., 44. c Terrors of the Night. d It is true that Nash, in his dedication of the "Unfortunate Traveller," speaks of it as his "first offering." This, however, must be taken rather as meaning his first serious effort in acknowledgment of his patron's bounty, for in "The Terrors of the Night" (registered on the 30th June, 1593), he somewhat effusively acknowledges his indebtedness to Lord Southampton:—"Through him my tender wainscot studie doore is delivered from much assault and battrie: through him I looke into, and am looked on in the world: from whence otherwise I were a wretched banished exile. Through him all my good is conueighed vnto me; and to him all my endeavours shall be contributed as to the ocean." Again, as evidence that Nash had addressed himself to Southampton prior to his dedication of "The Unfortunate Traveller," we glean from his promise ("Terrors of the Night") "to embroyder the rich store of his eternal renoune" in "some longer Tractate." e At the same time it must be stated that the scandal of the controversy between Nash and Harvey became so notorious that in 1599 it was ordered by authority "that all Nashes books and Dr. Harvey's books be taken wheresoever they may be found and that none of the said books be ever printed hereafter" (COOPER, Athenæ Cant. ii. 306). f Davies [Grosart, Works (1888) 1-75, lines 64-72.] g These have been incorporated in "National Ballad and Song" (Section 2, Merry Songs and Ballads , Series 1). h This is not quite correct. The title in the MS. runs "The Choise of Valentines," and Dr. Grosart purports to give the first eighteen lines, but in transcription he has omitted line 4. [page 1] TO THE RIGHT honorable the Lord S. a ardon, sweete flower of Matchles ° poetrie , And fairest bud the red rose euer bare ° ; Although my Muse, devorst from deeper care ° , 4 Presents thee with ° a wanton Elegie . [page 2] Ne ° blame my verse of loose unchastitie For painting forth the things that hidden are ° , Since all men acte what I in speache declare , 8 Onlie induced with varietie ° . Complants and praises ° euery one can write , And passion out their pangu's in statlie rimes ° ; But of loues pleasures none did euer write ° , 12 That have succeeded in theis latter times ° . Accept of it, Deare Lord ° , in gentle gree , And better lynes, ere long ° , shall honor thee . NOTES a Henry Wriothesley, the Earl of Southampton, and Baron of Titchfield. The dedication is absent in the Rawlinson text: cf. variorum reading in line 13. 1 Matchles , machles. 2 the red rose euer bare , that euer red rose bare. 3 devorst from deeper care , diuert from deepest care. Nash was notoriously impecunious all through his life, and probably reference is here made to some bounty received at the hands of Lord Southampton ( see Introduction). What patronage meant at times is gleaned from Florio's dedication of The Worlde of Wordes in 1598 to the same nobleman. He says:—"In truth I acknowledge an entire debt, not only of my best knowledge, but of all; yea, of more than I know, or care, to your bounteous lordship, in whose pay and patronage I have lived some years.... But, as to me, and many more, the glorious and gracious sunshine of your honour hath infused light and life." Rowe also tells a story of Lord Southampton's munificence to Shakspeare. It is said that he gave the poet £1,000 (equal to £12,000 now-a-days) to complete a special purchase. Whether this story be true or not, it is certain that Lord Southampton was a most liberal patron of letters. 4 Presents thee with , Presentes you with. 5 "Ne" = Nor, A.S.; unchastitie , inchastitye. 6 painting , paynting; things , thinges; hidden are , hidden be. 7 & 8 In Rawl. MS. these lines are transposed. Since all men act , sith most men marke; speache declare , speech descrie; Onlie , only; varietie , varyetye. 9 Complants and praises euery one , Complayntes & prayses every man. 10 passion out , passion forth; their pangu's , there loue; statlie rimes , statly rime. 11 pleasures none , pleasure non; euer write , e're indite. 12 theis latter times , this latter time. 13 Deare Lord , deare loue. A significant reading in view of the absence of the dedication in the Rawl. MS. " Accept ... in gentle gree ," to take kindly. 14 And better lynes ere long , And better farr, ere long ( see Introduction). [page 3] THE CHOOSING ° OF VALENTINES. t was the merie moneth of Februarie, When yong men, in their iollie roguerie ° , Rose earelie in the morne fore ° breake of daie, 4 To seeke them valentines soe trimme and gaie ° ; With whom they maie consorte in summer sheene ° , And dance the haidegaies ° on our toune-greene, As alas at Easter ° , or at Pentecost, 8 Perambulate ° the fields that flourish most; [page 4] And goe to som village abbordring ° neere, To taste the creame and cakes ° and such good cheere; Or ° see a playe of strange moralitie, 12 Shewen by Bachelrie of Maningtree ° . Where to, the contrie franklins ° flock-meale swarme, And Jhon and Jone com ° marching arme in arme. Euen on the hallowes of that blessed Saint ° 16 That doeth true louers ° with those ioyes acquaint, I went, poore pilgrime, to my ladies ° shrine, To see if she would be my valentine ° ; But woe, alass ° , she was not to be found, 20 For she was shifted to an upper ° ground: Good Justice Dudgeon-haft, and crab-tree face ° , With bills and staues had scar'd hir ° from the place; [page 5] And now she was compel'd, for Sanctuarie ° , 24 To flye unto a house of venerie ° . Thither went I, and bouldlie made enquire ° If they had hackneis ° to lett-out to hire, And what they crau'd ° , by order of their trade, 28 To lett one ride a iournie on a iade. Therwith out stept a foggy three-chinnd dame ° , That us'd to take yong ° wenches for to tame, And ask't ° me if I ment as I profest, 32 Or onelie ask't ° a question but in iest. "In iest?" quoth I; "that terme it ° as you will; I com for game, therefore give me my Jill ° ." "Why Sir," quoth shee, "if that be your demande ° , 36 Com, laye me a Gods-pennie ° in my hand; [page 6] For, in our oratorie siccarlie ° , None enters heere, to doe his nicarie ° , But he must paye his offertorie ° first, 40 And then, perhaps, wee'le ° ease him of his thirst." I, hearing hir ° so ernest for the box, Gave hir hir ° due, and she the dore unlocks. In am I entered: ° "venus be my speede! 44 But where's this female ° that must do this deed"? By blinde meanders, and by crankled ° wayes, Shee leades me onward, (as my Aucthor saies ° ), Vntill we came within a shadie ° loft 48 Where venus bounsing vestalls skirmish ° oft; And there shee sett me in a leather chaire ° , And brought me forth, of prettie Trulls ° , a paire, [page 7] To chuse of them which might content myne ° eye; 52 But hir I sought, I could nowhere espie ° . I spake them faire, and wisht them ° well to fare— "Yet ° soe yt is, I must haue fresher ware; Wherefore, dame Bawde, as daintie as you bee ° , 56 Fetch gentle mistris Francis forth to ° me." "By Halliedame ° ," quoth she, "and Gods oune mother, I well perceaue you are a wylie ° brother; For if there be a morsell of more ° price, 60 You'll smell it out, though I be nare so ° nice. As you desire, so shall you swiue with hir ° , But think, your purse-strings shall abye-it deare ° ; For, he that will eate quailes must lauish crounes ° , 64 And Mistris Francis, in her veluett gounes ° , And ruffs and perwigs as fresh as Maye ° , Can not be kept with half a croune ° a daye." [page 8] "Of price, good hostess ° , we will not debate, 68 Though ° you assize me at the highest rate; Onelie conduct me to this bonnie ° bell. And tenne good gobbs I will unto thee tell ° , Of golde or siluer, which shall lyke thee ° best, 72 So much doe I hir companie ° request." Awaie ° she went: so sweete a thing is golde, That (mauger) will inuade ° the strongest holde. "Hey-ho! she coms, that hath my hearte in keepe ° 76 Sing Lullabie, my cares, and falle a-sleepe ° ." Sweeping she coms ° , as she would brush the ground; Hir ratling silkes my sences doe confound ° . "Oh, I am rauisht: voide the chamber streight ° ; 80 For I must neede's upon hir ° with my weight." [page 9] "My Tomalin," quoth shee, and then she smilde ° . "I, I," quoth I, "soe more men are beguild ° With smiles, with flatt'ring wordes, and fained cheere ° , 84 When in their deedes their falsehood doeth appeare ° ." "As how, my lambkin," blushing, she replide ° , "Because I in this dancing ° schoole abide? If that it be, that breede's this ° discontent, 88 We will remoue the camp ° incontinent: For shelter onelie, sweete heart, came ° I hither, And to auoide the troblous stormie ° weather; But now the coaste is cleare, we will ° be gonne, 92 Since, but thy self, true louer ° I haue none." With that she sprung full lightlie to my lips ° , And fast about the neck me colle's, and clips ° ; [page 10] She wanton faints ° , and falle's vpon hir bedd, 96 And often tosseth ° too and fro hir head; She shutts hir eyes ° , and waggles with her tongue: "Oh, who is able to abstaine so long? ° " "I com! I com! sweete lyning be ° thy leaue:" 100 Softlie my fingers up theis curtaine heaue ° , And make me happie, stealing by degreese ° . First bare hir leggs, then creepe up to hir kneese ° ; From thence ascend unto her mannely ° thigh— 104 (A pox on lingring when I am so ° nighe!). Smock, climbe ° a-pace, that I maie see my ioyes; Oh heauen and paradize are all ° but toyes Compar'd with this sight I now ° behould, 108 Which well might keepe a man from being olde. A prettie rysing wombe without a weame ° , That shone as bright as anie siluer streame ° ; [page 11] And bare out like the bending of an ° hill, 112 At whose decline a fountaine dwelleth still ° ; That hath his mouth besett with uglie bryers ° , Resembling much a duskie nett of wyres ° ; A loftie buttock, barrd with azure veines ° , 116 Whose comelie swelling, when my hand distreines ° , Or wanton checketh with a harmlesse stype ° , It makes the fruites of loue oftsoone ° be rype, And pleasure pluckt too tymelie from the stemme ° 120 To dye ere it hath seene Jerusalem ° . O Gods! that euer anie thing so ° sweete, So suddenlie should fade awaie ° , and fleete! Hir armes are spread, and I am all unarm'd ° , 124 Lyke one with Ouid's cursed hemlocke charm'd ° ; So are my Limms unwealdlie for the fight ° That spend their strength in thought of hir ° delight. [page 12] What shall I doe to shewe my self a man? 128 It will not be for ought that beawtie can ° . I kisse, I clap, I feele ° , I view at will, Yett dead he lyes ° , not thinking good or ill. "Unhappie me," quoth shee, "and wilt' not stand? ° 132 Com, lett me rubb and chafe ° it with my hand! Perhaps the sillie worme is labour'd ° sore, And wearied that it can ° doe noe more; If it be so, as I am greate a-dread ° , 136 I wish tenne thousand times that I were ° dead. How ere it is, no meanes shall want ° in me, That maie auaile to his recouerie ° ." Which saide, she tooke and rould it on hir thigh ° , 140 And when she look't on't, she would weepe and sighe; ° She dandled it, and dancet it up and doune ° , Not ceasing till she rais'd it from his swoune ° . [page 13] And then he flue on hir as he ° were wood, 144 And on hir breeche did hack and foyne ° a-good; He rub'd, and prickt, and pierst her ° to the bones, Digging as farre as eath ° he might for stones; Now high, now lowe, now stryking ° shorte and thicke; 148 Now dyuing deepe, he toucht hir ° to the quicke; Now with a gird ° he would his course rebate, Straite would he take him to a statlie ° gate; Plaie while him list, and thrust he neare so ° hard, 152 Poore pacient Grissill lyeth at hir warde ° , And giue's, and takes, as blythe and free ° as Maye, And ere-more meete's him in the midle ° waye. On him hir eyes continualy ° were fixt; 156 With hir eye-beames his melting looke's ° were mixt, Which, like the Sunne, that twixt two glasses plaies ° , From one to th' other cast's rebounding ° rayes. [page 14] He, lyke a starre that, to reguild ° his beames 160 Sucks-in the influence of Phebus ° streames, Imbathes the lynes of his descending ° light In the bright fountaines of hir clearest sight ° . She, faire as fairest Planet ° in the skye, 164 Hir puritie ° to noe man doeth denye; The verie chamber that enclouds ° her shine Lookes lyke the pallace of that God deuine ° , Who leades the daie about the Zodiake ° , 168 And euerie euen discends to th'oceane ° lake; So fierce and feruent is her radiance ° , Such fyrie stakes she darts at euerie glance ° As might enflame the icie limmes ° of age, 172 And make pale death his seignedrie to aswage; ° To stand and gaze upon her orient lamps ° , Where Cupid all his chiefest ioyes encamps ° , [page 15] And sitts, and playes with euery atomie ° 176 That in hir Sunne-beames swarme aboundantlie. Thus gazing, and thus striuing, we perseuer ° : But what so firme that maie continue euer? ° "Oh not so fast," my rauisht Mistriss cryes ° , 180 "Leaste my content, that on ° thy life relyes, Be brought too-soone from his delightfull seate ° , And me unwares of hoped bliss defeate ° . Together lett us marche unto content ° , 184 And be consumed with one blandishment ° ." As she prescrib'd so kept we crotchet-time ° , And euerie stroake in ordre lyke a chyme ° , Whilst she, that had preseru'd me by hir pittie ° , 188 Unto our musike fram'd a groaning dittie ° . [page 16] "Alass! alass! that loue should be a sinne! Euen now my blisse and sorrowe doeth ° beginne. Hould wyde thy lapp, my louelie ° Danae, 192 And entretaine the golden shoure so free ° , That trikling falles ° into thy treasurie. As Aprill-drops not half so ° pleasant be, Nor Nilus overflowe to Ægipt plaines ° 196 As this sweet-streames that all hir ioints imbaynes ° . With "Oh!" and "Oh!" she itching moues hir hipps ° , And to and fro full lightlie starts and skips ° : She ierkes hir leggs, and sprauleth ° with hir heeles; 200 No tongue maie tell the solace ° that she feeles, "I faint! I yeald! Oh, death! rock me ° a-sleepe! Sleepe! sleepe desire! entombed ° in the deepe!" "Not so, my deare," my dearest saint ° replyde, 204 "For, from us yett, thy spirit maie ° not glide [page 17] Untill the sinnowie channels ° of our blood Without their source from this imprisoned ° flood; And then will we (that then will com too ° soone), 208 Dissolued lye, as though our dayes were donne." The whilst I speake, my soule is fleeting ° hence, And life forsakes his fleshie ° residence. Staie, staie sweete ioye, and leaue me not forlorne 212 Why shouldst thou fade that art but newelie borne? "Staie but an houre, an houre ° is not so much: But half an houre; if that ° thy haste is such, Naie, but a quarter—I will aske no more— 216 That thy departure (which torments me sore), Maie be alightned with a little pause ° , And take awaie this passions sudden ° cause." He heare's me not; hard-harted as he is, 220 He is the sonne of Time, and hates my blisse. Time nere looke's backe, the riuers nere returne; ° A second springe must help me or ° I burne. [page 18] No, no, the well is drye that should refresh me ° , 224 The glasse is runne of all my destinie: Nature of winter learneth nigardize Who, as he ouer-beares the streame with ice That man nor beaste maie of their pleasance taste, 228 So shutts she up hir conduit all in haste, And will not let hir Nectar ouer-flowe, Least mortall man immortall ioyes should knowe. Adieu! unconstant loue, to thy disporte 232 Adieu! false mirth, and melodie too short; Adieu! faint-hearted instrument of lust; That falselie hath betrayde our equale trust. Hence-forth no more will I implore thine ° ayde, 236 Or thee, or man of cowardize upbrayde ° . My little dilldo shall suply ° their kinde: A knaue, that moues ° as light as leaues by winde; That ° bendeth not, nor fouldeth anie deale, 240 But stands as stiff as he were made of steele; And playes at peacock twixt my leggs right blythe ° , And doeth my tickling swage with manie a sighe. [page 19] For, by saint Runnion! he'le ° refresh me well; 244 And neuer make my tender bellie ° swell. Poore Priapus! whose triumph now must falle ° , Except thou thrust this weakeling to the walle ° . Behould! how he usurps, in bed and bowre ° 248 And undermines thy kingdom euerie howre; ° How slye he creepes betwixt ° the barke and tree, And sucks the sap, whilst sleepe detaineth ° thee. He is my Mistris page at euerie stound ° , 252 And soone will tent ° a deepe intrenched wound. He wayte's on Courtlie Nimphs that be so ° coye, And bids them skorne the blynd-alluring ° boye. He giues yong guirls their gamesome sustenance ° , 256 And euerie gaping mouth his full sufficeance. He fortifies disdaine with forraine ° artes, And wanton-chaste deludes ° all loving hartes. [page 20] If anie wight a cruell mistris serue's ° , 260 Or, in dispaire, (unhappie) pines and staru's ° , Curse Eunuke dilldo, senceless counterfet ° Who sooth maie fill, but never can begett. But, if revenge enraged with dispaire, 264 That such a dwarf his wellfare should empaire, Would faine this womans secretarie ° knowe, Lett ° him attend the markes that I shall showe: He is a youth almost two handfulls highe ° , 268 Streight, round, and plumb, yett hauing ° but one eye, Wherein the rhewme so feruentlie doeth raigne ° , That Stigian gulph maie scarce his teares containe; ° Attired in white veluet ° , or in silk, 272 And nourisht with whott water, or with milk ° , Arm'd otherwhile ° in thick congealed glasse, When he, more glib, to hell be lowe ° would passe. [page 21] Vpon a charriot of five wheeles he rydes ° , 276 The which an arme strong driuer stedfast ° guides, And often alters pace as wayes growe deepe, (For who, in pathes unknowne ° , one gate can keepe?) Sometimes he smoothlie slideth doune ° the hill; 280 Another while ° , the stones his feete doe kill; In clammie waies he treaddeth ° by and by, And plasheth and sprayeth all that be him nye ° . So fares this iollie rider ° in his race, 284 Plunging and sousing forward in lyke ° case, He dasht, and spurted, and he plodded ° foule, God giue thee shame, thou blinde ° mischapen owle! Fy-fy, for grief: a ladies chamberlaine ° , 288 And canst not thou thy tatling tongue refraine? ° I reade thee beardles blab ° , beware of stripes, And be aduised what thou vainelie ° pipes; [page 22] Thou wilt be whipt with nettles for this geare ° 292 If Cicelie shewe but of thy knauerie ° heere. Saint Denis shield me from such female sprites! ° Regarde not, Dames, what Cupids Poete ° writes: I pennd this storie onelie ° for my selfe, 296 Who, giuing suck unto a childish Elfe ° , And quitte discourag'd in my nurserie ° , Since all my store seemes to hir penurie ° . I am not as was Hercules the stout, 300 That to the seaventh iournie ° could hould out; I want those hearbe's and rootes of Indian soile ° , That strengthen wearie members in their toile ° — Druggs and Electuaries of new devise ° , 304 Doe shunne my purse, that trembles at the price ° . Sufficeth all I haue, I yeald hir hole ° Which, for a poore man, is a princelie dole, [page 23] I paie our hostess scott and lott at moste ° , 308 And looke as leane and lank as anie ° ghoste; What can ° be added more to my renowne? She lyeth breathlesse; I am taken doune; ° The waves doe swell, the tydes climbe or'e the banks; ° 312 Judge, gentlemen! if I deserue not thanks? ° And so, good night! unto ° you euer'ie one; For loe, our thread is spunne, our plaie is donne ° .

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