Johnny Nut and the Golden Goose

CHAPTER VI. Original CHAPTER VI. Original Original HEN once the voice of Rumble was lost in the distance, Johnny climbed out of the tree and found that none of his bones were broken. All of a sudden in the hollow of the tree trunk he saw something shining like a will o’ the wisp. He put in his hands and pulled out A Goose with Golden Feathers! ‘Here’s luck at last,’ says Johnny, ‘I’ve lost a maid and found a golden goose! I’ll have it roasted this very night,’ and off he went to the best inn in the village. Now the inn was full of people going to the fair on St. Calixtus’s day, which was a great festival. However, Johnny, being but a village idiot, had never heard anything about all that. Up he comes and goes to the landlord, who didn’t know where to turn, he had so many customers, all going to the fair. ‘Cook my goose!’ says Johnny, as bold as brass. ‘Oh, you go to—Jerusalem,’ says the landlord, ‘we don’t cook gold geese here , not to-day, we don’t.’ Original ‘Well, if you won’t be obliging and cook my goose,’ says Johnny Nut, ‘why, I’ll give it to Saint Calixtus. A pretty poor saint he’ll be if he does not give me a goose fit to put on the spit in exchange for my goose of gold!’ So he got supper somehow, and went with his goose to sleep in the stable. Original CHAPTER VII. Original HE landlord of the inn had three fair daughters, all as curious as their mother Eve. All night long they turned and tossed in their beds, thinking about the golden goose and longing to see it. As soon as the first cock crew, up gets the oldest daughter. ‘It is so hot I really can’t sleep,’ said she, and went on tip-toe to the stable, as quiet as pussy, for fear of waking Johnny. In the moonlight the golden goose was shining like a star. ‘I’ll take one of the pretty feathers,’ said the girl, and put out her hand to touch it But she could not pluck the feather and she could not pull her hand away! When the second cock crew, up got the second daughter. ‘It is far too hot to sleep,’ said she, and she ran downstairs to her sister. But as soon as she had touched her she could not move a step from the place! Original Then the third cock crew, and up got the youngest daughter, and ran to the stable after her sisters. ‘Take care! don’t come here!’ they cried, but she did not understand, and she thought— ‘Why, if they are there, I can go too!’ But as soon as she touched her sisters, there she was, as fast as could be to the golden goose! A quarter of an hour later Johnny wakened, and stretched himself, and shook some of the straw out of his hair, and then took his goose under his arm, and off he went, never noticing the girls, whom he had not left behind him. Original They tried to stop him, but Johnny thought they wanted to rob him of his goose, and he ran, and they ran, and they all ran as fast as their legs would carry them. When they were out of the village, the girls were also out of breath, and they entreated Johnny to stop. So he said he would stop if they would show him the right road, and the sun was up by the time they reached the next village. Original CHAPTER VIII. Original UST at that very moment, who should come by who should come by but the Vicar of Condé, with his two Curates, the Churchwardens, the Beadle himself, the man that played the fiddle, the man that played the cornet, and all the wicked little choirboys. They were all marching off to sing the Mass on St. Calixtus’s day. The Vicar at that time was a stout clergyman, as big as a barrel, but he was a very holy man, and very severe about good and modest behaviour. Naturally, when he saw the landlord’s daughters all strutting away behind our Johnny, he was Shocked! ‘Are you not ashamed of yourselves,’ he cried out, ‘great lasses like you, to run about the country after a lad?’ So he plucked the youngest girl by the sleeve to stop her, but, behold! no sooner had he touched her than he could not leave hold, and he had to march after the golden goose! Original ‘Oh, sir, oh, sir!’ cried the Beadle (who was a long, thin-legged man, like a heron), and he ran up, caught hold of the Vicar by his gown, and there he stuck. The Vicar cried for help to the rest of his company, so first the Curates, then the Organist, then the man with the violin, then the cornet-player, and, lastly, all the wicked little choir-boys, rushed to hold the Vicar back, but they were all caught, and had all to run after Johnny, while Johnny just followed his goose! Original CHAPTER IX. Original Pilgrims came to do him honour from all the country round, and, as Saint Calixtus was famous for curing lame people, they made a very singular procession. Original The maimed and the halt and the blind were there, humpbacks by the dozen, cripples by the score, men with wooden legs, men with iron hooks instead of hands, men with wry necks—in short, they were a funny spectacle. Original They would not have been funny, but very pitiful, if they had really been lame and blind, but the truth is that they were all persons whom the good Saint had cured, and now they were only making believe, for one day in the year, to suffer from their old complaints. But, to tell the truth, they looked so odd that the images of the other Saints in the chapel were set, on that day, with their faces to the wall, for fear they should break out laughing. Original When the High Mass had been sung, all the worthy cripples threw away their sham humps, and bandages, and wooden legs, and they laughed, and danced, and skipped, and revelled, so that it was a pleasure to see so many people enjoying themselves. CHAPTER X. Original NOW you must be told that the King of that country had a daughter as lovely as the day, who had never laughed in all her life! She was as sad and sorry as the mournful Bell that rings for a death, and so they called her the Passing Belle ; it was a sort of joke. * *  The French country people call the Passing Bell La Dolente, and this unhappy Princess they named La Belle Dolente. If any child cannot understand this, she may consult her nice French grammar, and her French and English dictionary, and turn it over in her mind till next Christmas. Original Original Now, as she was an only child, the ‘Passing Belle had been spoiled from her very cradle. Cakes, toys, diversions, such as playing at funerals, had been lavished on her, but she never, never smiled. Original They tried her with Punch and Judy, they tried her with pantomimes, they took her to the play, but there never came a smile on the pale lips of the Passing Belle. She would not have laughed for a King’s ransom; nay, if you had ordered her off to instant execution, and laid her head on the block, you could not have wrung a smile from her! The King, who had a strong sense of humour, was in despair. Finally he had a proclamation printed:— Original WHOEVER CAN MAKE THE PRINCESS GIGGLE SHALL WIN HER FOR HIS BRIDE. Cambrinus R. But nobody came! Every one thought it was hopeless to get a laugh from the Passing Belle. Then the King, who was a very religious man, determined to take her to the shrine of Saint Calixtus. Of course, if the Saint could make her smile, she would become a nun, and perhaps, in the long run, would have been as solemn and lugubrious as ever. Original CHAPTER XI. Original Original LL the Court came, and all the Court nearly died with laughing at the procession of the halt, and lame, and blind. ‘Go it, ye cripples,’ cried his Majesty, in convulsions of merriment! Some of the people were like X’s, and some like Y’s, and some like Z’s, and plenty of K’s and S’s, all the cross letters were there, all the letters but straight upright I. Meanwhile the courtiers held their sides and screamed, and the tears came into their eyes; but the Princess yawned like a pretty little trout out of water! She did not see what there was to laugh at! Besides, if she had laughed, perhaps they would have made her marry a man with a hump upon his back, or two wooden legs and a glass eye. The fun was over, the King got up, the courtiers all rose, when past came Johnny and the golden goose and all his company. Now when the Princess beheld our Johnny, and the landlord’s three daughters, and the fat Vicar, and the thin Beadle, and the two Curates, and the Organist, the violin-player, the man with the comet, and all the wicked little choir-boys, all stuck fast together, and all treading on each other’s heels, she fell into such convulsions of laughter that she dropped into the Queen’s arms, and chuckled till she was nearly dead. The King, wild with delight, threw his royal arms around the neck of our Johnny, shouting, ‘Take her, you dog; she is yours, my bonny boy!’ and all the courtiers, falling on each other’s breasts, cried Hooray, hooray, She’s laughed to-day! Original But our Johnny moved on, quite grave, to the altar of Saint Calixtus, and there he laid the golden goose, after which all the people who followed him were able to get free. The charm was broken. Original Next day was the marriage. They ate a whole flock of roast geese from Hergnies, and they drank two vats of the local beer. In short, merrier times never were, in all the merry country of Flanders, where the beer is so excellent. Original CHAPTER XII. Original FTER the King died, Johnny succeeded to the vacant throne, and the Chronicles report that he did not govern less wisely than other monarchs, prime ministers, and politicians generally, before or since. Original The people of his own good town of Valenciennes had a statue made of Johnny Nut, in walnut-wood, and a statue of his wife, and there they stand on a tower, and strike time on the big clock; so you see this story is quite true. Do not you believe any learned man who tells you that Johnny is the Sun, and that the Goose is the Sun, and that the Passing Belle is the Moon, or nonsense of that kind, which, my dear children, is too common! MORAL. I think the Moral is that we should always be kind to animals, respectful to Old Age, and, above all, that we should be Easily Amused. 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