A Parody on Patience

Transcriber's Notes: "Where breezes baffle heat; Where shaded dells and mossy coverts be; Where giant trees to heaven raise their heads; Where earth is free, and nature unconfined Fills the soul with reverence." Then Conceive me if you can In a fairy summer land, Where weary bones find rest In loose and careless dress, A jolly, contented old man. In plain prose: Those who wish to be enlightened as to matters so imminently concerning their welfare, can be so far gratified, by applying (before the edition is exhausted) to A. V. H. Carpenter, General Passenger Agent, Milwaukee, Wis., for a copy of the beautifully illustrated book entitled "A Reconnaissance of the Golden Northwest," and for a copy of "The Tourist's Guide". HOOSAC TUNNEL ROUTE TROY & BOSTON AND FITCHBURG RAILROADS. THE SHORT AND FAST LINE FOR BOSTON AND ALL NEW ENGLAND POINTS. DAILY 4 TRAINS BETWEEN Albany, Troy and Boston WITHOUT CHANGE. NOTICE! The Only Line over which WAGNER'S NEW PALACE SLEEPING CARS Are run both via Albany and Troy, to and from ST. LOUIS, CHICAGO AND BOSTON WITHOUT CHANGE. TICKETS ON SALE AT ALL DEPOT AND CITY TICKET OFFICES. BE SURE AND ASK FOR TICKETS VIA TROY & BOSTON HOOSAC TUNNEL ROUTE. D. ROBINSON , W. B. STEARNS , Pres't and Gen'l Manager Troy & Boston R.R. President Fitchburg R.R. C. E. LAMBERT, Gen'l Passenger Agent Troy & Boston R.R. AND East Bound Traffic Hoosac Tunnel Route . Office, 135 Randolph St., CHICAGO, ILL. The Steam Gauge and Lantern Co. 115 Lake Street, MORTIMER McROBERTS, Agent. CHICAGO, ILL. Manufacture all kinds of RAILROAD AND CONDUCTOR LANTERNS, Head Lights, Tail Lights and Bridge Lights. Owners of Patents on Numbers and Signals in Head Lights. STATION LAMPS, SWITCH LAMPS, INSPECTORS' LAMPS. EXTENSION LAMPS FOR TELEGRAPH OPERATORS' TABLES. Sole Owners of the TUBULAR LAMP and LANTERN Patents and BUFFALO STEAM GAUGES. Correspondence with Railroads Solicited. THE PLUME & ATWOOD MFG. CO. 115 Lake Street , MORTIMER McROBERTS, Agent. CHICAGO, ILL. Manufacture SHEET BRASS AND SHEET COPPER, BRASS RODS, BRASS AND COPPER WIRE, Copper Rivets and Burs, Brass and Iron Chain, COPPER WIRE FOR TELEPHONE AND ELECTRIC LIGHT PURPOSES. BURNERS FOR ALL KINDS OF RAILROAD LAMPS. Catalogues furnished on application. Ansonia Clock Company, MANUFACTURERS Office Regulators, RAILROAD TIME KEEPERS, STREET AND TOWN CLOCKS. Nickel Novelties, MANTEL CLOCKS, BRONZE ORNAMENTS. Offices: 64 WASHINGTON STREET, CHICAGO. Hibbard, Spencer, Bartlett & Co. JOBBERS OF HARDWARE, Tin Plate, Metals, Nails and Wire Fence, CUTLERY, GUNS, Fishing Tackle and Sporting Goods , 24, 26, 28, 30 & 32 Lake Street, corner Wabash Ave. , CHICAGO, ILL. A Word to the Wise. LITHOGRAPHING OF EVERY DESCRIPTION, FOR Theatrical, Railroad and Commercial Purposes. THE Jones Lithographing Company . Colored Show and Railroad Lithographing A SPECIALTY. We employ none but the very best Artists, and our work is considered the very best in the United States. Address all Communications to PHIL G. DICK, SUPERINTENDENT, The Jones Lithographing Company , 167, 169 & 171 Dearborn Street, CHICAGO . THE J. M. W. JONES Stationery and Printing Co., CORNER DEARBORN AND MONROE STREETS, CHICAGO, MANUFACTURERS OF The Stromberg Improved Coupon Ticket ——AND—— CONSECUTIVELY NUMBERED RAILROAD TICKETS. Blank Books and Railroad Blanks of every description made to order. LITHOGRAPHED DRAFTS, CHECKS, BONDS, ETC. DEALERS IN LIGHT RAILROAD SUPPLIES. Coupon and Local Ticket Cases, Dating Stamps, Rubber Stamps, Conductors' Punches, Car Seal Punches, L , B C , 2 C and ½ Punches. BRASS BAGGAGE CHECKS, EYELETTING MACHINES, SEAL PRESSES, WAYBILL COPYING PRESSES, HAT BADGES, FOLDER BOXES, TARIFF PORTFOLIOS, AND PASSENGER AND TICKET SUPPLIES IN GENERAL . The J. M. W. JONES STATIONERY & PRINTING CO. 167, 169 & 171 Dearborn Street, CHICAGO. Established 1844. Re-christened 1880. " Advertising is to business what steam power is to commerce. "— Macaulay. THE Jno. B. Jeffery Printing and Engraving House 159 & 161 Dearborn St., Chicago. Formerly known as the CHICAGO + EVENING + JOURNAL. Standing firmly upon an established reputation, it will continue to serve its patrons with the same zeal, fidelity and ability that have always characterized its transactions and have placed it FOREMOST AMONG THE GREAT Railroad, Commercial and Show Printing ESTABLISHMENTS OF THE WORLD. Address all communications to John B. Jeffery , Sole Proprietor and Manager. TOOTLE'S OPERA HOUSE, ST. JOSEPH, MO. The reputation this theater has made for itself, and the fact that it is known as the pioneer Opera House in the West, render it unnecessary to offer any extended description. While theaters have been erected, calculated to surpass in beauty and costliness Tootle's Opera House, few, to-day, can legitimately claim equality, and none can surpass it in all that pertains to the arrangement of a first-class place of amusement. The stage is 40 × 67, with an opening 34 × 35, and is furnished with a full complement of scenery. Recently the house has been thoroughly renovated, repainted inside and outside, and re-carpeted; a new drop curtain hung, and the apparatus for lighting the gas by electricity placed in the building; a new steam heating apparatus and the water works connection are also among the improvements; capacity 1,500. Tootle's Opera House is located in the very center of a city of 45,000 inhabitants. GRAND OPERA HOUSE, TOPEKA, KAS. Formerly known as The Topeka Opera House , but, to avoid a conflict of titles, name changed to that of Grand Opera House . The house was built by a stock company; 300 residents financially interested; cost $60,000; capacity 1,500; stage is 60 × 67 feet; the proscenium opening is 35 × 38 feet; eight large dressing rooms; full complement of scenery; only ground floor Opera House in the city; can be emptied in one minute and a half ; absolute safety guaranteed to the patrons of the Grand; Topeka is the capital of the State, and the principal city, commercially and politically; constantly thronged with strangers; resident population about 27,000. Messrs. Wood & Updegraff are the local managers, but all communications should be addressed to Mr. Craig, at St. Joseph, Mo. THE GILLIS OPERA HOUSE, KANSAS CITY, MO. This elegant theater, rapidly approaching completion, is being erected under the provisions of a will which requires that the net earnings of the house shall be applied to the maintenance of a permanent home for destitute children , and will be opened early in September, 1883. When completed, the Gillis Opera House will have cost $100,000. It is centrally located, being within four blocks of twelve hotels. Nearly every street-car line in the city passes its doors, either on Fifth or Walnut streets. It is therefore evident that the Gillis has a decided advantage of location for the resident as well as the transient population. All appointments of auditorium first-class; means of exit ample—three entrances on ground floor, and two spacious staircases, each 20 ft. wide. The stage of the Gillis is one of the largest in the country, 42 × 124 ft.; height of scenery 28 ft.; height above scenery 32 ft.; proscenium opening 37 × 46 ft.; seventeen dressing rooms, green room, reception room and music room. First-class attractions can safely book a week at the Gillis, and none other need apply; 109 nights already booked. Population upwards of 100,000. SPECIAL NOTICE. SPIES & SMART, 12 Union Square, N.Y., are my accredited agents, and at all times the open time at the Gillis, Tootle's, and the Grand can be found on file at their office. I shall be there until June 20. CORYDON F. CRAIG. RAILROAD CONNECTIONS. The average distance between these three cities is only 69 miles. Omaha, Denver and St. Louis are the other principal cities in this section. For rates address: A. C. DAWES, St. Joseph, Mo.           W. F. WHITE, Topeka, Kas. Send Printing to JOHN MULVIHILL, Bill Poster , Kansas City and St. Joseph. CORYDON F. CRAIG, Business Manager, ST. JOSEPH, MO. NATHAN & DREYFUS. 92 & 94 Liberty St., — NEW YORK. SOLE AGENTS, Patentees and Manufacturers of Friedmann's Patent Injectors and Ejectors, Patent Locomotive Oil Cups and Lubricators, Watkey's Patent Valve Seats, and other Railway Specialties. The "MONITOR" Locomotive Injector. The "MONITOR" is a new Locomotive Injector of widest range, with great steadiness of action. Cast Steel Works OF FRIED. KRUPP, ESSEN, GERMANY. American Office, 15 Gold St., New York. REPRESENTED BY — THOMAS PROSSER & SON. LOCOMOTIVE TIRES, CRANK PINS, SPRING STEEL, ETC. STEEL FORGINGS UP TO FIFTY TONS. G. A. MARSH. A. E. BINGHAM. W. B. RANSOM. MARSH, BINGHAM & RANSOM, MANUFACTURERS OF Railway and Car Materials, Bridge and other Timber, PLANK, PILES, TIES, TELEGRAPH POLES AND CEDAR POSTS ALSO COMMISSION MERCHANTS, OFFICE, 252 SOUTH WATER ST. , CHICAGO. Mill and Yard , Telephone Nos. { Office 871. Foot of Illinois St. { Mill 3190. A. H. Andrews & Co. 195 and 197 Wabash Avenue, CHICAGO, ILL., MANUFACTURERS OF Bank Counters , OFFICE DESKS, TABLES AND CHAIRS. No. 43. Curtain Desk, open. Wood Mantels , FOLDING BEDS, (BURR PAT.) Seating of Churches and Public Buildings. School Desks and School Merchandise. Largest Manufacturers in the World of School Desks and Apparatus , the celebrated dovetail " Triumph " desk. Centennial and Paris first awards. Also sixty kinds of Globes; fifty kinds of Blackboards; patent Dustless Erasers, Kindergarten Materials, Maps, Charts, etc. ANDREWS' OPERA CHAIRS, For Opera Houses, Churches and Halls. Noiseless Folding Seat and Tilting Back, Hat, Foot, Umbrella and Cane Rest. Twenty Styles, and of the latest improvements. Bed Open. The Andrews' Parlor Folding Beds Are the only Perfect Bed of the kind in existence. All the bedding folds out of sight; occupies twenty-two inches space. Price $25 up. Thirty styles. Address for Catalogues, etc. as above. Bed Closed. S. H. & E. Y. MOORE, 163 & 165 Lake St., Chicago . HEAVY HARDWARE AND RAILWAY SUPPLIES, ANTI-FRICTION BAGGAGE AND FREIGHT CAR DOOR HANGERS. NUTS, BOLTS, SCREWS, TRUCKS, BLOCKS, SPRINGS, ETC. CHICAGO RUBBER WORKS, MANUFACTURERS OF RUBBER GOODS FOR MECHANICAL PURPOSES. Ecce Signum! Rubber Belting, Hydrant Hose, Tanners' Hose, Brewers' Hose, Air Brake Hose, High Pressure Hose, Steam Hose, Fire Engine Hose, Wagon Springs, Packing, Wringer Rolls, Billiard Cushions, Pump Buckets, Etc. Also Mould Goods of all Descriptions. Office, 179 Randolph St., CHICAGO. Factory, Grand Ave. and Rockwell St. Correspondence Solicited. CAMPING BOATING TENTS FOR ANY AND ALL USES. Dealers in FISH NETS, SEINES and TWINES , AND ALL FISHING MATERIALS, GEO. B. CARPENTER & CO. (Successors to GILBERT HUBBARD & CO.) 202 to 208 South Water St., CHICAGO. Send for Circulars, mentioning The Courier-Journal. JOHN T. WILSON, Chairman. JOHN WALKER, Sec'y and Treas. WILSON, WALKER & CO. (LIMITED), UNION FORGE AND IRON MILLS, PITTSBURGH, PA. MANUFACTURERS OF ALL KINDS OF RAILROAD FORGINGS, INCLUDING DRIVING AND CAR AXLES of Iron or Steel, LOCOMOTIVE FRAMES, ROCK SHAFTS, DRAW BARS, COUPLING LINKS AND PINS, ARCH BARS, FOLLOWERS, Etc., Etc. ALSO, ALL SIZES OF MERCHANT BAR IRON, UNIVERSAL MILL PLATES, Etc., Etc. EDGAR HOLMES, GENERAL BROKER GRANNIS BUILDING, 115 DEARBORN STREET, CHICAGO . Real Estate and Loans. THE LARGEST AND MOST COMPLETE JOB AND BOOK PRINTING HOUSE IN AMERICA. RAND, McNALLY & CO. 148-154 Monroe Street, CHICAGO, ILL. FINE COLOR PRINTING. ENGRAVERS, ELECTROTYPERS, PRINTERS, LITHOGRAPHERS, BOOK BINDERS. MAP ENGRAVERS AND PUBLISHERS. RAND-McNALLY'S INDEXED ATLAS OF THE WORLD. Rand-McNally's Encyclopædia of Agriculture. RAND, McNALLY & CO'S BANKERS' DIRECTORY. A GRAND ADVERTISING MEDIUM. Speaking to an interested Audience Every Night. The Official House Programme OF THE GRAND OPERA HOUSE, Chicago . An excellent medium for Railroad and General Advertising Address, GEO. S. UTTER, Publisher, 113 Randolph St., Room 16, CHICAGO. A FIRST-CLASS JOB OFFICE ALSO CONNECTED WITH THE ESTABLISHMENT. THE ROCKFORD RAILROAD WATCH, Is especially recommended for Railroad Men, Physicians, Miners, Lumbermen, Expressmen, Travelers, and others whose work demands a close timer in hard service. Factory, 498 Main St. ROCKFORD, ILL. Biddeford, Maine , February 3, 1883. ROCKFORD WATCH CO., Rockford, Ill. Gents : We have a little story to tell in regard to the running of one of your adjusted movements on the Boston and Maine R.R. We sold it and regulated it a short time before the engineer put it in his pocket, the 9th of last April, and ran it upon Cambridge time for ten months, and the total variation was only 24 seconds, and then he neglected to wind it up. Variation was less than 3 seconds when it ran down. He ran from Dover to Portland, 105 miles a day. Yours truly, TWAMBLEY & CLEAVES. The movement referred to in this letter is still carried daily by its owner, Geo. W. Smith, on the engine Dover. The man who did buy a Rockford watch. (On board.) The man who did not buy a Rockford watch. (He got left.) F. M. ATKINSON, President. C. H. FERRY, Treasurer. Works: MELROSE, ILLINOIS. CHICAGO TYRE & SPRING WORKS · WASHINGTON ST · CHICAGO OFFICE 94 Sole Manufacturers in the West of Cast Steel Car Springs AND Locomotive and Car Wheel Tyres. We manufacture Springs for Passenger, Freight, Baggage and Express Cars of every description, and Locomotive and Tender Springs to specification. We use only the BEST OBTAINABLE CAST STEEL, of uniform quality, thoroughly TEST every Spring before shipment, and fully GUARANTEE the same for the purpose intended. Capacity twenty-five tons daily. We roll tyres, both crucible and Siemen's Martin, from blooms especially made for us in England. They are rolled true to specification, and we give the most satisfactory assurances as to wear and mileage. Present capacity, twenty Locomotive Tyres daily. We fill all orders promptly. Chicago Office, 94 Washington St. CALVIN WELLS, President and Treasurer. JAS K. VERNER, Secretary. Pittsburgh Forge and Iron Co., Office, Tenth St. near Penn Ave., PITTSBURGH, PA. MANUFACTURERS OF HAMMERED CAR AND LOCOMOTIVE AXLES. WE MAKE A SPECIALTY OF Our well-known brand of Railway Axles marked "Special" from new iron, guaranteed to be purely fibrous, and to stand the regulation drop test of the Penna. R.R. Company. ALSO BAR IRON AND BOLTS, CHANNEL AND ANGLE IRON, BRIDGE BOLTS, plain and upset ends, all sizes, TRACK BOLTS, SQUARE and HEXAGON HEAD BOLTS, RIVETS, WASHERS, SPLICE BARS, Etc. RAILWAY PASSENGER AGENT AND SUPPLY DIRECTORY, A Weekly Journal Devoted to Railways, Railway Supplies and the Transportation Interests. PUBLISHED EVERY WEDNESDAY. Terms, $4 per annum, in advance; six months, $2. Single copy, ten cents. Correspondence on all topics of interest, notices of official changes, and other items of news bearing on the passenger service, respectfully solicited. Advertising rates made known on application. All business letters and communications should be addressed to the RAILWAY PASSENGER AGENT, No. 243 State St., CHICAGO. THE CHICAGO & ATLANTIC RAILWAY OFFERS TO YOU THE MOST COMFORTABLE ROUTE WHEN GOING EAST. The TRAINS are Elegant, all new, and were built by the PULLMAN PALACE CAR COMPANY. Go and see them at SOUTH SIDE UNION DEPOT, cor. Polk St. and Fourth Ave. CITY TICKET OFFICE, 119 Washington Street , CHICAGO. S. W. SNOW, GENERAL PASSENGER AGENT. The Chicago and Grand Trunk Railway, IN CONNECTION WITH THE GRAND TRUNK RAILWAY, Again takes great pleasure in announcing to the public its new arrangements of accommodations, facilities, fast time, comfort and pleasure for reaching the seaboard cities. Commencing Monday, June 25, a Fast Limited Express will be placed on this line, running between Chicago and New York and Boston, leaving Chicago daily at 3.30 p.m. , arriving in New York at 9 o'clock p.m. next day, and Boston the second morning. Pullman Cars will be run through without change between Chicago and New York, and Chicago and Boston; also Dining Cars will be run on this train, thus affording passengers the pleasure of "Dining on the Rail," at the customary charge of 75 cents. In addition to the above the Atlantic Express will leave Chicago at 8.30 p.m. , having through Pullman Cars to Detroit, Saginaw Valley, New York and Montreal without change. Passengers going east on an excursion or business trip can find no better, quicker or more picturesque route than this for pleasure, taking in as it does the famous Niagara Falls, River St. Lawrence, Lachine Rapids, Thousand Islands, Victoria Bridge, and the Mountain Scenery and Pleasure Resorts of the New England States,—the Grand Trunk , running as it does at the base of Mount Washington. Ask your nearest Ticket Agents for Advertising matter of this route, "The Niagara Falls Air Line." GEO. B. REEVE, Traffic Manager . S. R. CALLAWAY, General Manager . JAS. STEPHENSON, Gen'l Pass. Agent Grand Trunk Railway . 3 GREAT CITIES OF THE WEST: LINKED TOGETHER ——BY THE—— CHICAGO & ALTON R.R. NO CHANGE OF CARS OF ANY CLASS ——BETWEEN—— CHICAGO ——AND—— KANSAS CITY. CHICAGO ——AND—— ST. LOUIS. ST. LOUIS ——AND—— KANSAS CITY. Union Depots in Chicago, East St. Louis, St. Louis and Kansas City. NO OTHER LINE —RUNS— PALACE DINING CARS Between CHICAGO and KANSAS CITY, CHICAGO and ST. LOUIS, and ST. LOUIS and KANSAS CITY. Meals equal to those served in any first-class hotel, only 75 cents. The only Line running a sufficient number of Elegant and Comfortable PALACE RECLINING CHAIR CARS Free of Extra Charge, in all its Through Trains, Day and Night, Without Change, to accommodate all its patrons. PULLMAN PALACE SLEEPING CARS The Finest, Best and Safest in use anywhere. The BEST and QUICKEST ROUTE from CHICAGO to and from MEMPHIS, MOBILE, NEW ORLEANS and All Points South via St. Louis. THE SHORT LINE TO AND FROM MISSOURI, ARKANSAS, TEXAS, KANSAS, COLORADO, NEW MEXICO, MEXICO, ARIZONA, NEBRASKA, CALIFORNIA, OREGON, WASHINGTON TERRITORY, Etc. THE GREAT EXCURSION ROUTE BETWEEN THE NORTH AND SOUTH —AND TO AND FROM— KANSAS LANDS, AND COLORADO, NEW MEXICO AND CALIFORNIA HEALTH AND PLEASURE RESORTS AND THE MINING DISTRICTS OF THE GREAT WEST. For Tickets and information apply at any Coupon Ticket Office in the United States and Canada, or to JAMES CHARLTON , General Passenger and Ticket Agent, 210 Dearborn Street, near corner Adams Street, Chicago. J. C. McMULLIN , Vice-President, Chicago. C. H. CHAPPELL , General Manager, Chicago. HOHOKUS, ERIE RAILWAY. The scenery along the entire line of the New York, Lake Erie and Western R.R. (formerly Erie Railway) has a world-wide reputation for beauty. The line itself possesses unequaled facilities for transit of through passengers over its steel rail double track, in Pullman Hotel, Sleeping and Drawing-room Coaches, equipped with Miller Platform Buffer and Westinghouse Automatic Air Brake. It is a booming route for New York and other eastern cities. Try it. JNO. N. ABBOTT, W. H. HURLBURT, General Passenger Agent, New York . Gen'l Western Passenger Agent, Chicago . NO CHANGE OF CARS OF ANY CLASS { CHICAGO AND KANSAS CITY. AND { CHICAGO AND ST. LOUIS. Two Trains a Day Each Way between { ST. LOUIS AND KANSAS CITY. CHICAGO & ALTON R.R. THE PIONEER Palace Reclining Chair Car Route THE PIONEER PALACE DINING CAR ROUTE. The Pioneer Pullman Sleeping Car Route. TWO TRAINS DAILY, SUNDAYS INCLUDED, Between CHICAGO and KANSAS CITY, and between ST. LOUIS and KANSAS CITY. NIGHT EXPRESS DAILY, SUNDAYS INCLUDED. ☞DAY EXPRESS DAILY, Sundays excepted, between CHICAGO and ST. LOUIS. THE REMINGTON "STANDARD". (E. REMINGTON & SONS, MANUFACTURERS) ILION, N.Y. Type Writer. Highest Award AMERICAN INSTITUTE. Highest Award ATLANTA EXPOSITION. 20,000 IN USE By the leading Railroad Companies, Business Houses and Professional Men. GOLD MEDAL PARIS EXPOSITION. PERFECT WRITING MACHINE. The Most Popular of Labor-Saving Instruments. Writes three times as fast as best penman. Can be used at sight. Every Machine Warranted. If Not Satisfactory, Money Refunded. Simple and durable in construction, is quickly understood, and becomes an unfailing assistant. Its work is legible and beautiful, and is produced with great rapidity, and without the fatigue consequent upon the use of the pen. Send for Illustrated Descriptive Pamphlet containing full information. WYCKOFF, SEAMANS & BENEDICT, Sole Agents. PRINCIPAL OFFICE IN THE WEST: H. H. UNZ, Western Manager, 38 E. Madison St., Chicago. Transcriber's Notes: Table of contents added by transcriber. Silently corrected simple spelling, grammar, and typographical errors. Retained anachronistic and non-standard spellings as printed. *** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A PARODY ON PATIENCE *** Updated editions will replace the previous one—the old editions will be renamed. Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to copying and distributing Project Gutenberg™ electronic works to protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG™ concept and trademark. Project Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you charge for an eBook, except by following the terms of the trademark license, including paying royalties for use of the Project Gutenberg trademark. 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