Growing Up With Conversational AI: Relational Expectations, Co-Regulation, and Adolescent Development

Children and adolescents increasingly use conversational AI not only for schoolwork and information but also for casual conversation, emotional support, identity exploration, and companionship. This paper examines a developmental question that is distinct from misinformation or acute safety: how repeated interaction with highly responsive, customizable systems may shape expectations about relation, self-regulation, and identity. The argument is grounded in research on co-regulation, adolescent narrative identity, social development, AI companionship, anthropomorphism, and current youth-use surveys. It does not assume that conversational AI is inherently harmful or that developmental effects are already established longitudinally. Instead, it develops three hypotheses that can be tested. First, relational overfitting: frequent reliance on unusually compliant and easily reset interaction may narrow tolerance for ordinary human asymmetry if it displaces reciprocal relationships. Second, semantic soothing: emotionally calibrated language can reduce distress in the moment without necessarily building the embodied and interpersonal regulation skills that develop through repeated co-regulation; the two outcomes should be measured separately. Third, editable identity support: AI can help adolescents explore possible selves, but highly revisable conversational narratives may function differently from identity that develops through memory, social feedback, commitment, and consequence. Current evidence supports concern but also caution. Pew reports that 12% of U.S. teens have used chatbots for emotional support or advice, while companion-specific surveys report substantially higher social use. A 2026 review emphasizes both stimulation and displacement hypotheses, and the long-term developmental effects remain unresolved. The paper concludes with a research agenda and bounded-use principles designed to preserve real-world relationships, privacy, age-appropriate support, and routes to qualified help.